COUPLES THERAPY: 6 EXERCISES TO PRACTICE AT HOME - GEOGRAFÍA - 2025

The couples therapy is a type of psychotherapy focused on solving problems in a relationship. When working with a couples therapist, the way of interacting and individual and couple behaviors are addressed.

In this type of therapy, the two members of the couple speak to communicate their feelings and problems in a private environment in which they feel safe. Talking about it allows patients to better understand themselves and their partner.

In particular, the couple therapist is trained to listen with empathy and acceptance, and has solutions for various types of problems.

The couples therapy exercises that I will explain to you in this article will help you have a much happier and more enriching life. When you have a partner it is normal to have arguments, misunderstandings, jealousy and other coexistence problems.

This can become a really uncomfortable problem because it causes you discomfort and you are not totally happy.

6 Exercises to practice in couples therapy

Look at your partner with unfamiliar eyes

Do you feel identified with this scene?

• Alicia: I have met your husband, I met him the other day, how nice, I didn't know he was so funny!
• Ana: yes, it is very funny (with a smile).

However, what you are really thinking is “how do you notice that you don't live with him. If I told you…".

As Antonio Bolinches, an expert in couples therapy, explains, a phenomenon that he calls the mathematics of feelings takes place in the couple's relationship.

What the mathematics of feelings means is that, in the first years of your relationship with your partner, you see in the other a whole series of virtues that captivate you: he is very funny, hard-working, charming…

However, after 8 years of being together, your partner is no longer funny but heavy, and is no longer a worker but a work obsessive.

This explains why the majority of separations or divorces occur within 10 years of marriage. The couple stops seeing the virtues that at first amazed them, thus becoming their greatest defects.

The members of these divorced or separated couples join with another person who does have the virtues that the other did not have. However, after a few years, the mathematics of feelings will act again, in which, once again, the virtues will be seen as defects.

The proof is that, as Bolinches has been able to verify, 50% of the people who separate from the couple and start with another, after a while they regret it.

Continuing with the initial example, the exercise that I propose to remedy this phenomenon is that you try to put yourself in Alicia's eyes for a moment.

It is an exercise in imagination.

At a time when you see your partner clueless with something, for example walking down the street talking to someone or at home busy doing something, do the exercise of observing him as if you were seeing him for the first time.

Observe how it unfolds, its way of interacting with others, its movements, its gestures. Do it with an external look. Is there something that captivates you? What do you like?

Think that at the time it captivated you, but over time you only have the contaminated image of the arguments, disagreements and routine.

Putting yourself in the shoes of a stranger can make you see those things about your partner that the day to day has been hiding but that are still there. You have simply lost sight of them.

I am you and you are me

The basis of most relationship problems and the basis of most arguments is the lack of empathy for the other's feelings.

Arguments can be for many reasons: communication problem, money, sex, housework, children's education, etc. However, they all have in common that if you are arguing it is because you feel that your partner is not understanding you.

Learning to put yourself in the shoes of your partner and understand their feelings is the key to a successful relationship.

But like everything in life, it takes effort and requires practice. For this I propose a role-sharing exercise.

After a discussion in which you have not reached any understanding, propose the following to your partner:

What ends up happening is that this exercise gives you perspective on how one aspect of one's situation is perceived by the other.

If you do this exercise every time you have an argument with your partner in which you have not reached an agreement, you will see that it is easier to put yourself in their place and understand their feelings. With which the discussions will be shorter and shorter, less frequent and more civilized.

Learn to communicate

Do you have difficulties communicating with your partner? Communication is one of the main aspects in a relationship.

Good communication as a couple is a sign of consistency within the couple. On the contrary, a communication is a sign of a weakened couple relationship and therefore with a greater risk of crisis and disagreements.

Evaluate how is communication with your partner. Broadly speaking, we can find two types of communication problems:

Communicational quantity:

It may be that there is a lack of communication, that is, that you have caught the dynamic of not telling you much about things.

For example, things that happen to you in your day to day, aspects of work, or aspects that have more to do with your partner such as telling him / her the things you like and don't like about him / her or talking about your feelings..

It is clear that the lack of communication causes a great distance and in the long run a feeling of emptiness. In addition, the communication deficit causes more communication deficits. Since the fewer you count, the less you want to count. And so on.

To resolve this matter, I propose that you agree with your partner to have 30 minutes a day of communication alone, without anyone bothering you. These 30 minutes a day are meant to sit down and talk.

It can be anything: how your work went, what you would like to do on the weekend, the news you saw in the newspaper or that you would like your partner to be more loving.

If, putting into practice this communication time per day, you notice that you have difficulty communicating, that is, in terms of quality, then add the exercise that I present below.

Communication quality:

Another communication problem in the couple does not have to do with the communicational quantity but rather the quality of communication.

The quality of communication has to do with respecting your turn to speak, trying to understand what your partner is saying, speaking with an appropriate tone, not using words as weapons, etc.

Analyze how communication with your partner is at a quality level. If you think that you communicate but you do not do it in an adequate way and you have difficulty reaching agreements and understandings throughout a discussion, you must learn to communicate in a more effective and functional way.

For this, I propose an exercise to improve the quality of communication with your partner:

Step 1:

Plan something fun to do within 30 minutes of finishing the exercise

Step 2:

• Person A talks for 10 minutes (has the right to use up all the minutes).
• Person B listens actively and silently (clarifying only if necessary). Even if you do not agree with what person A is saying, you should respect their 10 minutes without intervening.

Step 3:

• Person B speaks for 10 minutes (has the right to consume all the minutes).
• Person A listens actively and silently (clarifying only if necessary). Even if you do not agree with what person A is saying, you should respect their 10 minutes without intervening.

Step 4:

• Person B gives back the thoughts, feelings and actions that A has expressed for 5 minutes, in order to show that he has understood (No evaluations or opinions can be made).
• Person B gives back the thoughts, feelings and actions that A has expressed for 5 minutes, in order to show that he has understood (No evaluations or opinions can be made).

Step 5:

Go together to carry out the activity that you had initially proposed without talking about it, just concentrate on enjoying yourself.

It is a training to learn communication skills. At first it will be very mechanical and artificial, but as you do it you will see how you make it more and more yours and in a more spontaneous and natural way.

This is an exercise that consists of understanding the other. Being able to understand the other is fundamentally based on one main aspect: Knowing how to listen.

When you are able to understand your partner, you no longer need to come up with solutions.

Make a list of fun things

What are the 10 things you like the most to do together? This is a very useful and easy exercise to regain the illusion with your partner.

Routine often takes over life as a couple. If you think you have entered this dynamic, remedy it as soon as possible. Fortunately, it is a problem with an easy solution. Don't let this deteriorate your relationship.

Simply make with your partner a list of 10 things that you like, or that you would like to do together. Once the list is made, be sure to cross off at least one item from the list per month.

You will be able to observe how quickly you resume the illusion of doing things together and of leaving behind the routine in which you were.

It is an easy exercise that has very quick and positive effects on your partner. Why not give it a try?

15 minutes of tenderness

This exercise that I propose below is intended to help you have more closeness and physical contact with your partner.

It consists of sitting comfortably with your partner on the sofa or in two chairs, one facing the other. Remove any accessories such as glasses, bracelets, watches, etc.

Start stroking your partner's hair. You can massage her head with a gentle touch. As you do this, close your eyes and focus on consciously feeling the touch of her hair and head. Do it for 10 minutes.

He then goes on to caress her face. And as if you were touching him for the first time, gently explore his forehead, his eyebrows, his eyes, his cheeks, his ears, his nose, his lips and his chin with your hands. Do it for 5 minutes.

The person receiving the strokes should focus on how they feel.

If at any time you do not like how your partner is doing it, either because it is too strong or too weak, it is advisable to stop and communicate it positively: "Can you make it a little softer?" instead of "You're being very rude."

After the 15 minutes are up, talk about what each of you felt during the exercise. For example, “Your hair is very soft”, “I felt pampered”, “I really liked it when you touched my ears”.

Now switch roles and repeat the exercise. It doesn't have to be that same day. You can spend a few days agreeing the next time you are going to do it.

Just hug him

This is another exercise designed to get closer to your partner and have more moments of physical contact that provide you with greater security, affection and tenderness.

It works well for couples who have been physically distancing themselves and for those couples in which, usually the woman, feels that she does not want to agree to kiss or have physical contact with her partner because she perceives that this will lead to having sex.

One way to solve this conflict is to introduce frequent hugs that have a non-sexual pretension but of affection, warmth and tenderness.

Cuddle in the kitchen, in the garage, in the garden, in the elevator, wherever. Just feel how your stress falls on your partner's body, notice the warmth of the body, just that.

Try to hold the hug for a few minutes, let yourself fall on your partner.

This simple exercise has amazing results. It can even lead to refloating the passion of the couple.