HOW TO END A RELATIONSHIP IN 9 STEPS (WITHOUT HURTING) - GEOGRAFÍA - 2025

Ending a relationship with a loved one - boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife - is undoubtedly one of the most stressful, exhausting and emotionally moving situations.

However, many times it is preferable for the relationship to end, especially if it is toxic, rather than continue with a life of unhappiness and dissatisfaction, plagued with endless arguments and conflicts.

Next I will explain how to end a long relationship without hurting, whether it is lovers, boyfriends or couples established for years. It is not easy to break the relationship (especially if you have been together for years) and communicate it to the other person, but if you find yourself in this situation, these 10 steps can be a very useful guide to face the problem.

10 steps to end the relationship

1-Be sure of your decision

Before deciding something as important as the end of a relationship, you have to think deeply about it.

All couples go through stages of crisis, and some may emerge stronger from such stages. Consider talking with your partner about the conflicts that arise, trying to find a solution.

When you do, talk about how you feel about this or that event or situation, rather than talking about the events themselves. Try to listen to what the other person has to say without thinking about what you are going to answer while you are listening to them. Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes.

Sometimes couples therapy can help improve communication and overcome conflict.

Try to identify what you want in a partner and think if you could really find what you want in your current partner.

Keep in mind that falling in love always ends and when that happens, you begin to see the other person's defects and problems appear, but after this stage a deep and mature love can also emerge.

You should not make the decision to end a relationship when you feel angry. It must be a thoughtful decision for a time, without being dominated by emotions such as anger or resentment.

Finally, if you have thought about it well, if the resources to save the couple have already been exhausted and the problems continue, if you are really determined to put an end to the relationship, then there is nothing more to think about, except in a suitable plan so that everything ends in the best possible way, although there will undoubtedly be sadness and pain on both sides.

2-Do not destroy the relationship before ending it

Accentuating conflicts and arguments trying to get more excuses to end the relationship with your current partner or even trying to get the other person to decide to end is not a good idea.

Jealousy, complaints, and blame will surely lead to the end of the relationship, but it will be an unnecessarily painful journey. You should not try to put responsibility or blame on your partner trying to cover your own.

Many relationships end after a long road of agony. After this slow erosion, one of the couple suddenly realizes how unhappy they feel.

Behind this situation in general there are many neglects, disrespect, arguments and reproaches, which were given over time and ended up destroying the relationship.

Don't prolong this agony. If you really want to end this situation, then it is time to put an end to it for good.

3-Talk personally and in private

Without a doubt, it would be an act of cowardice to leave a person on the phone and with a few words. Or even worse, by text message, especially if it was a serious relationship for a certain time.

You will have to tell them personally (unless you fear a backlash from the other person) and in a suitable place. It is a bad drink without a doubt, a very uncomfortable situation, but it is the only way worth doing.

It's not a good idea for either of you to do it because it could make for a nasty scene.

The best would be a public place, but not too crowded. If you go to a restaurant or a cafe, for example, and the other person reacts badly (which is to be expected), it is also possible that there is a scene that you want to forget.

A good place could be, for example, a somewhat secluded spot in a park or square.

4-Plan the details

Improvising in these types of situations is not a good idea either. Plan where you will tell them and even when.

If you tell them in the morning, both of you will feel bad all day. They may have to go to work or study later, and emotions will not allow them to perform adequately in these activities. It may be best to tell them in the afternoon, after leaving work.

Fridays or Saturdays can be a good option, since both will have a whole weekend to begin to accept the new situation and process the corresponding duel.

Try not to be on a special date, such as traditional holidays, a birthday, or Valentine's Day. And of course, don't tell them in a place that meant something important to the couple, like the place of the first kiss or something similar.

5-Clarity and honesty

According to a study by psychologists at the University of Kansas, "open confrontation" is the least stressful way to end a relationship.

Clearly telling the other person that the relationship has come to an end, even if it sounds very negative, is the best option, because the message is more easily internalized by the other person, due to its clarity and sincerity.

First of all, when you convey your intention to end your relationship, you must be very clear and sincere about your wishes, expressing yourself with respect, without reproach, without blaming yourself or the other person for the breakup.

At the same time, there needs to be firmness in your words and you shouldn't back down out of feelings of guilt or compassion. The other person will surely get very angry or sad, and you should be prepared for these reactions.

You can show empathy for the feelings you are provoking in the other person, but don't apologize for the decision you have made.

Also, don't give her hope that the breakup will only be for a while, if you really don't think it will.

Avoid listing a long list of reasons why you think the relationship should end. Just get to the point, give the general reason why you think the two of you have reached this situation where you can no longer continue to be a couple, and that's it.

And please don't use set phrases. These are never sincere, because they cannot reflect the particular situation of each one, so do not say things such as “it's not you, it's me” or “surely you will find someone special” or “maybe we can be friends”.

That will only make things worse, because they won't be honest words.

6-keep calm

The other person is likely to react by showing great rage or anger, or deep sadness. It is possible that during the encounter, these emotions alternate.

You must be prepared to hear screams, reproaches or sobs. Stay calm, try to observe the situation as if you were someone else, and be attentive to the other person's reactions.

Staying calm will help you control the situation and end the last meeting that you are going to have as a couple at the right time and in the best possible way.

For example, if your ex is furious and starts to make a fuss, you can say "it makes no sense for us to yell, the decision has already been made and it will not change, although we can talk about it if you calm down."

But obviously, to be able to handle these types of situations, you will have to be calm yourself.

7-Take your share of responsibility

Don't try to blame the other person for your failure as a couple. In a breakup, both of you have responsibilities to take on, always.

Although you will clearly express why you have made the decision not to continue with the relationship, the responsibility will be on both of you and on the other hand, you are also fully responsible for the decision you have made.

Having this very clear will also help you not feel guilty and maintain a calm state that will allow you to control the situation.

8-Do not back down

Surely you've ever heard someone who was apparently "determined" to leave their boyfriend or girlfriend, but after the meeting where everything was supposed to end, it turns out that both are still together, even though they do not seem very happy.

This can happen if the person who wants to end the relationship is overcome by feelings of compassion or pity for the other person. Guilt can also play a trick in this regard.

Therefore, it is important to be very sure of the decision and then not back down, even if you feel sorry for the other person or for the end of a relationship that perhaps at some point you thought would be for the rest of your life.

If you've already thought it through and made a decision, don't let pity prolong a situation that only brings unhappiness and dissatisfaction. You must continue with your plan, end this relationship and start forgetting to start a new stage.

9-Forgive yourself and forgive

As in all areas of life, failure is painful. Accepting that the relationship cannot continue, whatever the reasons, will cause sadness and grief on both parties, and probably also anger and resentment.

As mentioned above, both of you have responsibility for what happened and accepting that you were wrong and that the other person was wrong is the first step to forgive and thus free yourself from anger and pain.

We are human, we make mistakes and we have to forgive ourselves in order to give ourselves a new opportunity, not only in relationships, but in all areas of life.

Accepting the fact that erring is human and being able to forgive the other for their mistakes, and yourself for the ones you may have made, will free you from many negative feelings and will help you turn the page and begin a new stage in your life.

Think about the following. People adopt certain attitudes and make certain decisions taking into account the circumstances of the moment. Later, they may be able to see things from a new perspective that they didn't have before.

But they cannot blame themselves for having acted in this or that way in the past, because at that moment they simply thought it was for the best or they simply acted according to what they felt at that moment.

The only thing that can be done is to accept the consequences of the mistakes that you may have made, forgive yourself and also forgive the other person for the attitudes that may have influenced the relationship to end (whether they are infidelities, negative attitudes or problems behavior).

10-keep your distance

Once the relationship is over, you have to mark a certain distance. It makes no sense that you keep talking about the same things, for example, about the reasons that led to the breakup.

No calls or text messages that are not strictly necessary. You should not be interested in the activities of the other person or allow your ex to invade your private life wanting to know what you do at every moment of the day.

This is essential so that it is very clear that the relationship is over, that it will not continue and that nothing can be done about it.

If you have friends in common or go to the same gym, for example, try to coordinate the meetings and schedules in such a way that you do not have a chance to meet the other person.

Return the belongings that have been left in the house of one or the other (or both, if you lived together) as soon as possible, so that you can really begin the grieving process that follows the end of a relationship.

Naturally, despite having followed all these steps, you will feel very sorry for a few days. Give yourself the opportunity to release these feelings through crying, and after a few days, you will feel better.

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