HOW TO GET OVER AN INFIDELITY: 9 ESSENTIAL TIPS - GEOGRAFÍA - 2025

In this article I will show you how to overcome a male or female infidelity, of your husband / wife, in marriage or relationship. With these tips you can continue with the relationship healthily or to end this couple and be able to generate a healthy bond with another person in the future.

Infidelity can mean something very different to different couples. While many may consider that having sex with another person is the only possible infidelity, others will also think that maintaining an emotional relationship without physical contact, through the internet for example, is also a form of infidelity.

Whatever the case, discovering an infidelity is difficult to deal with, whether it is by a husband, wife, in marriage or in a domestic partnership. However, this does not mean that the relationship should end.

According to data from the company Sondea (2012), in Spain one out of every two people has been unfaithful at some time, either male or female.

Regarding Latin America, the GFK company conducted a survey with 4,800 people from each country and obtained the following results: Colombia (29%), Ecuador (27%), Brazil (26%), Costa Rica (22%), Mexico and Venezuela (21%), Panama (19%).

Practical tips to overcome an infidelity

1-Let the anger and pain go

Discovering an infidelity is a very strong emotional blow. Naturally, you will feel great sadness and pain, and at those times you will not be able to think clearly.

You are likely to have mixed feelings: on the one hand, you love your partner and the prospect of ending the relationship overwhelms you, and on the other hand, the anger and disappointment are enormous and you cannot imagine that this could end well in any way..

Therefore, the first thing you should do is take some time for yourself and let the first moments after discovering the infidelity go by without making any kind of decision.

You should not decide anything "hot", that is, while your mind is dominated by these strong emotions. When a few days or even a few weeks have passed, you can begin to think about which path you and your partner want to follow.

2-Recognize what your feelings are

Once the pain has passed even a little, you should start thinking about what you are feeling and how you can handle it.

Some people feel so humiliated after an infidelity that their self-esteem drops abruptly and they think they are worthless.

Others have feelings of revenge, or guilt. It is important to consider that you probably did not do anything that led to the infidelity, the one who is unfaithful makes the decision to be so, so feelings of guilt should not really take place.

Revenge won't make you feel better either. It is important to identify what your feelings are regarding this situation in order to process them, raise them if appropriate in a quiet conversation with your partner and to be able to handle them properly, perhaps with professional support if you need it.

3-Talk to your partner

The next step would be to have a long conversation with the other person, to analyze what happened without reproach and always with mutual respect.

Surely he or she could give an explanation of how things were happening, what they felt or feel at this moment and perhaps you can express how painful this situation is for you.

And then, you will have to decide if you want to continue with the couple or not. Because facing an infidelity does not necessarily mean that the couple should continue or should end.

If you decide to stay with your partner, there is a long way to go, in which the couple's commitments will be renewed and little by little the trust necessary for a healthy bond will be restored.

But if they decide to separate, there will be wounds that must heal to overcome the infidelity and the breakup, to love again and to trust again, banishing that famous concept that "everyone is equal."

This decision is very important and must be taken together, after an honest talk where both of you should try to put aside the emotions that this painful situation generates.

4-assume your responsibility

Assume your responsibility and think carefully about the path you want to follow. If you want to get your partner back, it will be a long and difficult process, but if you really face the situation with the responsibility that corresponds to you, the relationship can be rebuilt.

And if the relationship ends, you must also take responsibility for what happened and its consequences, so that your life can continue in an emotionally healthy way.

On the other hand, if the other person is the one who has been unfaithful to you, you may have a certain responsibility for it. It is possible that there was a lack of communication, little time to share together, certain relationship problems, a very routine lifestyle, in short, several factors may favor an infidelity, but you should not feel guilty.

There is a big difference between taking responsibility and feeling guilty. Taking responsibility means that you realize you made a mistake and do something about it, while feeling guilty means that you feel devalued as a person for making that mistake.

5-Seek support

Many people feel the desire to tell their family and friends what happened, and in general it is a very good idea, because shared pain is less pain.

It is even likely that some of these loved ones have gone through similar situations and can give you some support by sharing their own experiences.

But be careful, because it can also happen that a member of the family or a friend, with the best intention, tries to influence you so that you make the decision to continue or end the relationship with your partner.

This is something you should not allow. If you need objective advice, it may be best to consult a professional therapist, a family member or a good friend.

Don't let anyone influence your decision. Take your time to feel, to think and put aside prejudices. Whether the couple continues or not depends only on you and the other person.

In short, the support of family and friends is always good, but they cannot help you choose the path that the couple should follow after an infidelity.

6-What happened, let it be in the past

This is very important advice, which should always be kept in mind. The past is just that, something that happened and cannot be changed.

Nothing is gained by continuing to bring up the topic of infidelity when an argument arises, reproaching the other person for what happened.

We must find a way to turn the page and continue life together (or apart), looking forward and trying not to have this painful situation of the past negatively influence the present.

The pain and even the anger will not magically disappear, but time will help heal these wounds, if you are not constantly “sticking your finger in the hole”.

In other words, don't be mortified by the past. Do you know that there is a big difference between pain and suffering? Pain is a natural feeling in infidelity cases and will subside with time and with a positive attitude.

Instead, suffering is optional. You can try to put the past behind you and start a new chapter in your life, or you can continue to beat yourself up with thoughts and images of the unpleasant situation you are experiencing.

7-Forgive the one who cheated on you and forgive yourself

This is another of the most important challenges you will have to face to overcome infidelity: forgiveness.

Whether both decide to continue with the relationship or if it ends, forgiveness is essential so that you can continue with your life without being anchored to the negative feelings that infidelity has generated in you.

And forgiveness must be double: you must forgive whoever was unfaithful to you and also forgive yourself for the mistakes you may have made.

And of course, if it was you who cheated, you will have to forgive yourself for the mistake and assume its consequences. Maybe the relationship is ruined forever or maybe pain and resentment will prevent this relationship from improving for a long time if you decide to continue together, but either way, you will have to deal with it and forgiveness will help you.

In any situation, forgiveness is liberating. It will probably take a while, but if you work on it, talking about your feelings with the other person, seeking support from loved ones or in therapy, over time you will be able to forgive and forgive yourself, and the pain or resentment for the infidelity committed or suffered they will be gone forever.

8-Process your duel

Discovering an infidelity causes a great disappointment: at that moment, the trust in the couple has been broken, the pain is immense and to recover emotionally from this blow, a certain time must be given to the process of elaboration of the duel.

Grief over lost trust is built by acknowledging and channeling the feelings of rage and anger that appear at the beginning, communicating with the other person to let them know about these feelings, and allowing time, as the saying goes.

It is important to put guilt and resentment aside, assume the responsibility that corresponds and try to decide together the future of the couple.

If they decide to separate, there will be a period of mourning for the illusions and common projects that have been lost. And if they decide to stay together, there will also be a grieving process after which both must work with great commitment to rebuild a healthy relationship, based on mutual trust.

9-regain confidence

This will undoubtedly be another great challenge on the long road to overcoming an infidelity.

If the couple decides to continue with the relationship, there must be trust from both parties, so that the bond develops healthily.

To regain trust, it is necessary to follow the previous steps: leave what happened in the past, forgive and make new commitments in order to continue with the relationship.

It will be useless to stay together if there is no trust, because jealousy, the need for control and even the lack of respect for the privacy of the other person will soon appear.

It is difficult to regain trust after an infidelity, but it is not impossible and if both consider that the relationship is worth recovering, then it is necessary to work on it.

10-Receive couples therapy

Couples therapy, carried out by a professional specialized in this aspect, with experience in infidelities, can be an excellent support to finish this chapter and definitely overcome this situation.

Therapy can be helpful in putting infidelity in perspective, identifying issues that may have contributed to this happening, providing advice on how to strengthen the relationship in the future and avoid divorce, if both of you agree to continue together. of course.

The therapist will likely ask both of you to express their feelings about this situation and help you determine future needs and goals, whether you choose to continue the relationship or not.

If you decide to continue together, the marriage counselor can help you discover your level of commitment to the relationship, help regain trust and the healing process of this painful wound.

You can also assess the relationship the two of you have to establish what your strengths and weaknesses are. If there are unhealthy patterns, such as codependency, emotional abuse, or repeated infidelities, the therapist will discover and question them.

If the couple decides to separate, therapy can still help both of them. Whoever was cheated on can rely on therapy to channel their anger and pain not only because of infidelity, but also because of the loss of their partner.

Whoever committed the infidelity may feel guilty or sorry. If feelings of dissatisfaction with the relationship were decisive for the infidelity, the therapist can help the person to better express and communicate their feelings the next time, with the aim of preventing the infidelity from happening again.

In short, it is always possible to get over an infidelity, but it takes time and also a lot of work and commitment, especially if the couple decides to continue despite everything.

Here is a video summary of the tips: