HOW TO OVERCOME A RELATIONSHIP CRISIS: 10 PRACTICAL TIPS - GEOGRAFÍA - 2024

The couple crisis are normal, can be solved and overcome, and even are necessary if understanding and lead to a solution. To be constructive you have to know how to handle them, and it is often quite expensive to find the tools to do so.

If you find yourself in a relationship crisis and you feel that you cannot find a way out of it, since you have both entered a vicious circle of discussions without destiny, and a feeling of despair is taking over you, this article can help you to see the way out of this situation.

10 Solutions to overcome couples crisis

Stop thinking that you are the victim and the other the culprit

Points 1 and 2 are the fundamental steps that you have to take if you want to solve the crisis in which you find yourself. Without these first steps, it is difficult for you to achieve the following.

The position of victim entails in itself a position of passivity, of not acting, of not trying to resolve the conflict but of basking in the feeling of pain.

In addition, victimization tends to produce a greater feeling of anger on the part of the other person that induces him to think: "now the victim is made to go after him" with what precisely produces the opposite effect to the desired: "he will not get ", both entering a game of damage and prejudice that is increasingly difficult to handle.

As you surely know, there is no victim and guilty, but you are both victims and guilty at the same time.

Stop thinking that you are absolutely right and the other is victimized

If you think you fit more with this second option, stop and reflect. Maybe you should downshift.

Think that if your partner is placed in a role of constant victim, perhaps it is because somehow he does not feel understood by you. Perhaps you have not transmitted enough empathy, affection and emotional support; and with her position of victim she claims those deficiencies.

Sit down talking to your partner and ask him how he feels. Try to understand his feeling without judging him.

Identify what are the relationship problems

In order to solve relationship problems, the first thing is that both parties want to solve your problems. Once you are both committed to resolving conflicts, the next step is to identify what those conflicts are.

Take some time to think. Making a list of each one separately listing the conflicts can help you identify them. The next step will be to discuss them together.

When putting them together, it is important that you have an attitude of listening and empathy towards the other, facilitating the exchange of opinions in order to reach a mutual agreement that generates a change.

When tackling the list of problems listed, do it one at a time and in sequence.

Ask yourself what have you done wrong

Asking yourself what I have done wrong helps reduce anger towards what the other has done wrong, since you can begin to understand why your partner has acted in such an unpleasant way for you.

This helps to break down the duality of "good and bad" and to get closer to the idea that things are relative.

Could I have done better? How? If he / she had done it to me, how would I feel? These are the questions that bring you closer to resolving conflicts with your partner.

Asking for forgiveness and giving in does not mean lowering

Curiously, the idea has been established that giving in and asking the other for forgiveness implies lowering oneself and that the other "wins the battle." This idea is totally counterproductive for you, and with ideas that are counterproductive the best we can do is discard them.

Do not seek to win the battle, be right, possess the truth. This does not lead you to achieve inner peace and be happier. In fact, if you want to win the battle and be right, it indicates that you do not have inner peace. Then work to have it.

How?

Consider it the other way around: if you are able to go to your partner, ask for forgiveness for your mistakes and try to solve your problems, it indicates a high degree of maturity, of being able to put things on the table in a sensible way and cut with the vicious and absurd game in which you were.

If you stop to think, surely the people with the most inner peace you know are the ones who have the easiest to ask for forgiveness and resolve conflicts in a sensible way.

So leave behind the false myth that giving in and asking for forgiveness is lowering yourself and begin to see it as something that leads you to feel better about yourself, with others and to find that inner peace that you are looking for.

Do activities with your partner and go out with friends

Often couple crises are marked by having fallen into a routine. A routine based on work-get home-dinner-watch TV-sleep-work…

The crisis of routine does not come suddenly and in an unexpected way, but both members of the couple tend to realize that each time they lead a more routine life.

However, no one uncovers this small, easily solvable conflict and, over time, it ends up becoming something much more catastrophic and dramatic. Many times the couple does not put this issue on the table and the culprit for it is "comfort and conformity."

Each member of the couple thinks something like this: "We have not gone out a lot or do things for a while, but hey, I see that he / she does not care much, more hectic times will come."

Days, months and years go by with this thought; and comfort and conformity are gaining ground, leading to boredom, and worst of all: the loss of illusion in the couple.

If you find that your life as a couple has gotten into a routine, stop it immediately. Don't let time go by. You've already let too much time go by.

Sit down with your partner and explain that for some time you have felt that your life as a couple has entered a routine and that the objective of this talk is to recover the illusion of the couple doing things together.

A good way to regain the illusion of a couple after a period of lethargy is to go to that place that you used to go years ago that you liked so much and that made you feel so good; that city, that restaurant, that viewpoint, that excursion… or do what you have said so many times to do but never did.

Apart from these moments alone that you have to recover, it is also important to do things with friends and meet new people.

Social relationships bring a lot of freshness and renewal to the couple. It is important to keep an eye on it and maintain an active social life.

Revitalize your sexual relationships

If you think that sexual relations with your partner have stopped being a desire to become something routine, change this situation.

Ask yourself: what can I do to improve the quality of sex? And suppress the thoughts of: "It is he / she who is very passive." If you have gotten into a rut in sexuality it is because you have both let that happen.

Break the barrier of silence and ask your partner what you feel. Talk openly about your sexuality as a couple, what you like, what you don't like.

It is also good to talk openly about sex with your friends, so they can bring you new ideas as well as try sex objects that bring you fun and diversity.

Your children are not more important than your partner

It often happens that a couple become parents and dedicate themselves fully to their children to the point of forgetting that, although they have to face the difficult task of being parents, the couple has to remain a couple.

Of course, you, as a parent, want your children to be happy, help them in everything they need and take care of them so that nothing bad happens to them and they suffer for it.

However, pain and suffering in life is inevitable, and you cannot try to avoid your child's suffering because it is uncontrollable and inevitable. Better option is to teach him to learn to overcome the pain and suffering that life inevitably provides us.

This, sometimes, about involvement and protection with children, can lead you to focus your attention too much on them, leaving your partner in the background and making your children the fundamental pillar of the family.

This situation causes consequences that can damage the family system and, of course, the couple. In the first place, children come to bear a burden that does not correspond to them: that of being the fundamental pillar of the family.

On the one hand, this pleases them since they feel that they are important within the family, but on the other hand it supposes a very great burden and weight since it leads them to think that without them the family dismantles and, of course, that that is a great responsibility.

Second, at the couple level, a distance is looming, reaching the point of being able to feel uncomfortable when you are alone with your partner.

Over the years, coinciding with the departure of the children from the home, this distancing from the couple can become much more evident.

But fortunately everything has a solution, and if you are aware that this problem exists, you just have to try to redirect it.

How?

Stop focusing on the children and focus on your partner. Initially, your children are likely to respond with irritability. Of course, they feel that they are losing the importance they had within the family.

Despite your tantrums, stick with the plan to give your partner more attention, because your partner has to be more important than your child.

In the long term it will help them to understand that their parents are the fundamental pillar of the family and they will have removed a great responsibility from them. In addition to the satisfaction and security that seeing that their parents love each other and are united will provide them.

Be persistent and don't throw in the towel

It is not enough to just sit down one day to talk. The relationship requires more effort and especially if you find yourself in a crisis. If you really want to fix the situation with your partner, fight for it.

The thought of "is that he does nothing to fix it" and becoming passive does not bring you closer to your goal. If you really see that your partner is not getting involved, ask him what happens to him.

Remember to always be in an active position, without losing sight of your goal and unchecking any position of passivity.

Go to couples therapy

If after deliberately putting these tips into practice you notice that there is no improvement, it is time to consider couples therapy.

Perhaps your relationship problems require a deeper analysis and need the help of a professional who can find these deeper causes that you may not be aware of or do not know how to address.

To do this, you must remove from your mind, if you have them, those prejudices that often follow couples therapy: "I don't need anyone to tell me how to do things", "no one better than me can understand what it is. the problem ”,“ going to the psychologist is weak ”,“ I don't want to tell my intimacies to someone I don't know ”.

If you have a problem with your partner and you don't know how to solve it, it is clear that you do need help. So remove those prejudices and go for your goal: recover the illusion with your partner.