HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE (SUMMARY) - GEOGRAFÍA - 2025

I have always thought that social skills are one of the most helpful skills when it comes to "being successful", to achieving goals or to being happy in life. Well, for me the best book that has been written so far to learn how to relate more effectively with people is How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

It was published in 1936 and is a true classic read by millions of people, from those who simply want to learn to be more social to leaders or businessmen who want to learn to negotiate and better manage their teams.

Therefore, today I leave you a summary of this magnificent book. With it you should have enough to get the best information you can put into practice, although if you want you can read the whole book and you will surely learn even more and something that I can escape.

If you put the teachings in this book into practice, remember not to fall into the trap of always wanting to please others. In fact, it is something that you should try to avoid for your mental health. To find out more about this point, you can read point 3 of this summary.

Please, leave in the comments what you think of the book and if it has served you. I'm interested and thank you!

How This Book Was Written… And Why

"Gradually, as the years went by, I realized that as much as these adults needed an apprenticeship to speak effectively, they needed even more learning in that beautiful art of dealing with people in business and in their social contacts."

“Dealing with people is probably the biggest problem you face, especially if you are a business person. Yes, and also if you are an accountant, a housewife, an architect or an engineer. "

First part

Fundamental techniques for dealing with others

1.-IF YOU WANT TO COLLECT HONEY, DO NOT POINT THE HIVE

"Don't complain about the snow on your neighbor's roof," Confucius said, "when it also covers the threshold of your house." - Confucius.

Criticism is useless because it puts the other person on the defensive, and usually makes them try to justify themselves. Criticism is dangerous because it hurts a person's precious pride, hurts their sense of importance, and arouses resentment.

Let us understand that the person whom we want to correct and censure will probably try to justify himself, to censure us in turn.

Do you know someone you would like to modify, and regulate, and improve? Well! Splendid. I am in their favor. But why not start with yourself? From a purely selfish point of view, that is much more profitable than trying to improve others. Yes, and much less dangerous.

Instead of censoring people, let's try to understand them. Let's try to imagine why they do what they do. That is much more helpful and interesting than criticism; and from it arises sympathy, tolerance and kindness. "To know everything is to forgive everything."

RULE 1

Do not criticize, condemn or complain.

2.-THE GREAT SECRET TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE

"The deepest principle of human character is the longing to be appreciated." - William James.

There is only one way to get someone to do something. Have you ever stopped to meditate on this? Yes, only one medium. And it is to make others want to do it.

The only way to get you to do something is to give it what you want.

«I will pass this road only once; so whatever good you may do or any courtesy you may have to any human being, let it be now. I will not leave it for tomorrow, nor will I forget it, because I will never pass through here again. "

RULE 2

Show honest and sincere appreciation.

3.- «WHO CAN DO THIS HAS THE WHOLE WORLD WITH HIM; WHO CAN'T, WALKS ALONE ON THE ROAD »

"If there is a secret to success, it lies in the ability to appreciate the point of view of others and see things from that point of view as well as your own".- Henry Ford.

It's so simple

The only way we can influence others is to talk about what they want, and show them how to get it.

Action stems from what we fundamentally desire… and the best advice that can be given to those who claim to be persuasive, whether in business, at home, at school, or in politics is this: first, wake up in the other person a frank wish. Whoever can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot, walks alone on the road ».

Tomorrow you want to persuade someone to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself, "How can I get her to want to?"

When we have a brilliant idea, instead of making the other person think it's ours, why not let him or her prepare that idea for himself, like that little girl made breakfast? Then she will consider that idea to be her; You will like it, and you may have two servings.

RULE 3

Arouse in others a craving.

Second part

Six ways to please others

1.-DO THIS AND YOU WILL BE WELCOME EVERYWHERE

«The individual who is not interested in his fellow men is the one who has the greatest difficulties in life and causes the greatest hurts to others. From these individuals all human failures arise ».- Alfred Adler.

"We are interested in others when they are interested in us".- Pubilio Syro.

You can earn more friends in two months by being genuinely interested in others than you can in two years when it comes to caring others in yourself.

Showing a genuine interest in others will not only earn you friends, but can also build loyalty to the company from customers.

Interest, like everything else in human relationships, must be sincere. You should pay dividends not only to the person who shows the interest, but also to the one who receives the attention. It is a two-handed route: both parties benefit.

RULE 1

Take a sincere interest in others.

2.-AN EASY WAY TO CAUSE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION

Action seems to follow feeling, but in reality action and feeling go together; and if action is regulated, which is under the most direct control of the will, we can regulate feeling, which is not. ».- William James.

"Nothing is good or bad but thought is what makes things good or bad".- Shakespeare.

Actions speak louder than words, and a smile expresses: “I like you. It makes me happy. I'm so glad to see you.

Everyone seeks happiness, And there is a sure way to find it. It consists of controlling our thoughts. Happiness does not depend on external conditions, it depends on internal conditions.

It is not what we have or what we are or where we are or what we do, none of that, that makes us happy or unhappy. It is what we think about it all.

Because nobody needs a smile as much as someone who has none left to give.

RULE 2

Smile.

3.-IF YOU DO NOT DO THIS, YOU WILL HAVE A BAD

We should keep in mind the magic that is in a name, and understand that it is something unique to that person, and no one else. The name sets the individual apart; makes you feel unique among all the others. The information we give, or the question we ask, takes on a special importance when we add the name of our interlocutor. From the waitress to the CEO of a company, the name will work miracles when dealing with people.

RULE 3

Remember that for everyone, their name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

4.-EASY WAY TO BECOME A GOOD TALK

“There are no mysteries in a happy business conversation… It is very important to pay exclusive attention to the person speaking. Nothing holds as much flattery as that ».- Charles W. Eliot.

Remember that the person you are talking to is a hundred times more interested in himself and your needs and your problems than in you and your problems. Her toothache is more important to her than an epidemic that kills a million people in China. A boil on his neck means a catastrophe for him greater than forty earthquakes in Africa. Think about it the next time you start a conversation.

RULE 4

Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

5.-HOW TO INTEREST PEOPLE

The royal road to the heart is to talk to him about the things that are most precious to him. Speaking in terms of the other person's interests is beneficial to both parties.

RULE 5

Always talk about what interests others.

6.-HOW TO BE PLEASANT TO PEOPLE INSTANTLY

«Do to your neighbor what you want your neighbor to do to you».- Jesus of Nazareth.

«Talk to people about themselves and they will listen to you for hours.-Benjamin Disraeli.

If we are so despicable, because we are selfish, that we cannot radiate some happiness and render honest praise, without trying to get something in return; If our souls are so small, we will go to failure, a deserved failure.

RULE 6

Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely.

Third part

Get others to think like you

1.-IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO WIN AN ARGUMENT

«If you argue, and fight and contradict, you can sometimes achieve a victory; but it will be an empty victory, because he will never obtain the good will of the opponent. »- Benjamin Franklin.

"Hatred is never conquered by hate but by love," and a misunderstanding never ends thanks to an argument but thanks to tact, diplomacy, conciliation, and a sincere desire to appreciate the point of view of others. -Buddha.

When one screams, the other listens. When two people yell, there is no communication, only noise and bad vibes.

RULE 1

The only way to win out of an argument is to avoid it.

2.-A SAFE MEANS OF CONQUERING ENEMIES… AND HOW TO AVOID IT

"Men must be taught as if they were not taught, And proposed things ignored as if they were forgotten." - Alexander Pope.

“You cannot teach anyone anything; You can only help him to find it within himself. »- Galileo Galilei.

Never start by announcing, "I'm going to show you such and such." That's wrong. That is to say, “I am more alive than you. I'm going to tell him a thing or two and make him change his mind. This is challenging. It stirs up opposition and makes your listener want to do battle with you before you start talking.

If you are going to prove something, let no one know. Do it subtly, with such dexterity that no one thinks you are doing it.

You will never be in trouble for admitting that you may be wrong. That will stop all arguing and give the other person a desire to be as fair and balanced as you are. It will make him admit that he too can be wrong.

When we are wrong, we sometimes admit it to ourselves. And if we know how to carry us, gently and tactfully, we may admit it to others and perhaps take pride in our frankness and equanimity in that case. But that's not the case when someone else tries to beat us down our throats with the unsavory fact that we are wrong.

RULE 2

Show respect for the opinions of others. Never tells someone that is wrong.

3.-IF YOU ARE WRONG, ADMIT IT

"Fighting never gets enough, but giving in gets more than expected."

Say about yourself all the derogatory things that you know the other person is thinking, or wants to say, or intends to say, and say them before he has had a chance to formulate them, and it will take away your reason to speak.

There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit your mistakes. Not only does it clear the air of guilt and defensiveness, but it often helps solve the problem created by the mistake.

Any fool can try to defend his mistakes - and almost all fools do - but stands above the rest, and assumes a feeling of nobility and exaltation who admits his own mistakes.

RULE 3

If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

4.-A DROP OF HONEY

"A drop of honey hunts more flies than a gallon of gall".- Abraham Lincoln.

Nobody likes to change their mind. No one can be forced by force to agree with you or with me. But it is possible to lead the other person to it, if we are gentle and kind.

RULE 4

Start out friendly.

5.-THE SECRET OF SOCRATES

"A no for an answer," says the teacher, is an extremely difficult obstacle to overcome. When a person has said No, all the pride in his personality demands that he be consistent with himself.-Overstreet.

When you talk to someone, don't start by discussing things where the two of you diverge. Start by highlighting - and keep highlighting - the things you agree on. Keep stressing - if possible - that the two tend to the same end and that the only difference is one of method and not one of purpose.

Get the other person to say "Yes, yes" from the beginning. Avoid, if possible, her saying "No."

The next time we want to tell someone they are wrong, let's remember old Socrates and ask a polite question, a question that produces the answer: "Yes, yes."

RULE 5

Get the other person to say "yes, yes" immediately.

6.-THE SAFETY VALVE TO ADDRESS COMPLAINTS

«If you want to have enemies, surpass your friends; if you want to have friends, let your friends surpass you ».- La Rochefoucauld.

Almost all of us, when we try to attract others to our way of thinking, talk too much. Salespeople, especially, are addicted to this costly mistake.

Let the other person speak. She knows more than we do about her business and her problems. Let's ask him questions. Let him explain a few things to us.

The truth is that even our friends prefer to tell us about their exploits rather than listen to us talk about ours.

RULE 6

Let the other person do the most talking.

7.-HOW TO OBTAIN COOPERATION

"Man must be taught as if he were not taught, and the unknown proposed as forgotten".- Alexander Pope.

“The reason why rivers and seas are honored by a hundred mountain streams is that they remain below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams.

Similarly, the wise man who wishes to be above men places himself below them; he who wants to be in front of them, stands behind. In such a way, although their place is above men, they do not feel their weight; even if your place is before them, they do not take it as an insult. "- Lao Tzu.

Nobody likes to feel that they want to be forced to buy or do a certain thing. We all prefer to believe that we buy what we want and apply our ideas. We like to be consulted about our wants, our needs, our ideas.

RULE 7

Let the other person feel that the idea is hers.

8.-A FORMULA THAT WILL BE WONDERFUL

"You cooperate effectively in conversation when you show that you consider the other person's ideas and feelings as important as your own." - Gerald S. Nirenberg.

Remember that the other person may be completely wrong. But she doesn't believe it. Don't censor it. Any fool can do it. Try to understand it. Only clever, tolerant, exceptional people try to do so.

There is a reason why the other person thinks and acts the way they do. Discover that hidden reason and you will have the key to your actions, perhaps your personality. Try honestly to put yourself in the other person's shoes.

If you were to say to yourself: 'What would you think; How would I react if I were in their shoes? "You will have saved a lot of time and irritation, for" by being interested in causes, we are less likely to dislike effects. "

Tomorrow, before you ask someone to put out a bonfire or buy your product or contribute to your favorite charity, why don't you close your eyes and try to see everything from the other person's point of view? Ask yourself: Why would this person want to do it? It is true that this will take time; But it will help you make friends and get better results, with less friction and less work.

RULE 9

Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.

9.-WHAT EVERYONE WANTS

Wouldn't you like to have a magic phrase to stop arguing, eliminate bad feelings, create goodwill, and get listened to carefully? Yes? Well, here it is.

Begin by saying, “I can't blame you for feeling the way you do. If I were in his shoes, there is no doubt that I would feel the same way. A phrase like that will soften the most quarrelsome person in the world. And you

RULE 9

Show sympathy for the other person's ideas and wishes.

10.-A CALL THAT EVERYONE LIKES

People usually have two reasons for doing one thing: one reason that seems good and worthy, and the other, the real reason. Everyone thinks about their true reason. There is no need to insist on it. But all of us, as deep down we are idealists, we want to think about the reasons that seem good. So, in order to change people, let us appeal to their nobler motives.

People are honest and want to meet their obligations. The exceptions to this rule are comparatively few, and I am convinced that the bargaining-inclined individual will react favorably in almost all cases if he is made to feel that he is regarded as an honest, upright, and just person.

RULE 10

Appeal to the noblest motives.

11.-SO IT IS DONE IN CINEMA AND ON TELEVISION WHY DON'T YOU DO IT?

This is the time for dramatization. Just one true statement is not enough. You have to make it vivid, interesting, dramatic. The cinema does it; television does. And you will have to do it too if you want to get noticed.

Ideas can be dramatized in business or in any other area of ​​life.

RULE 11

Dramatize your ideas.

12.-WHEN ANYTHING ELSE GIVES YOU A RESULT, TRY THIS

The desire to excel! The challenge! Throw down the glove! An infallible means of appealing to men of character.

That is what every successful person loves: the game. The opportunity to express yourself. The opportunity to prove yourself, to stand out, to win. This is what makes running races attractive. The desire to excel. The desire to feel important.

RULE 12

Throw a gentle challenge tactfully.

Fourth part

Be a leader: how to change others without offending or arousing resentment

1.-IF YOU HAVE TO FIND DEFECTS, THIS IS THE WAY TO START

To begin with praise is to do like the dentist who begins his work with novocaine. All the necessary work is done to the patient, but the drug has already desensitized the pain.

RULE 1

Start with sincere praise and appreciation.

2.-HOW TO CRITICIZE AND NOT BE HATED FOR IT

Indirectly drawing attention to mistakes works wonders for sensitive people who may resent direct criticism.

RULE 2

Call attention to the mistakes of others indirectly.

3.-TALK ABOUT YOUR OWN ERRORS FIRST

It is not so difficult to listen to an account of one's own defects if the one who makes it begins by humbly admitting that he too is far from perfect.

RULE 3

Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing those of others.

4.-NOBODY LIKES TO RECEIVE ORDERS

The resentment caused by a violent order can last a long time, even when the order has been given to correct an obviously bad situation.

Asking questions not only makes commands more acceptable, but often stimulates the creativity of the person being asked. People are more likely to accept an order if they have been involved in the decision from which the order came.

RULE 4

Ask questions instead of giving orders.

5.-ALLOW THE OTHER PERSON TO SAVE YOUR PRESTIGE

"I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man to himself. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. To hurt a man in his dignity is a crime ».- Saint Exupéry.

Save prestige! How important, how vitally important this is! And how few of us stop to think about it! We trample on the feelings of others, to continue our path, we discover defects, we make threats, we criticize a child or an employee in front of others, without ever thinking that we hurt the pride of others.

And a few minutes of thinking, a word or two of consideration, a genuine understanding of the other person's attitude will go a long way toward lightening the wound.

RULE 5

Let the other person save his own face.

6.-HOW TO STIMULATE PEOPLE TOWARDS THE TRIUMPH

Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit; we cannot flourish and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are always ready to apply the cold wind of criticism to people, we always feel a certain reluctance when it comes to giving our neighbors the warm light of praise. ”- Jess Lair.

Capabilities fade under criticism; they flourish under encouragement. ”- Dale Carnegie.

Everyone likes to be praised, but when the praise is specific, it is received as sincere, not something the other person may be saying just to make us feel good. Let's remember: we all crave appreciation and recognition, and we could do almost anything to achieve it. But nobody wants lies or flattery.

RULE 6

Be warm in your approval and generous in your praise.

7.-RAISE FAME AND GO TO SLEEP

"Assume a virtue if you do not have it".- Shakespeare.

If you want a person to improve in a certain way, proceed as if that particular trait were one of his outstanding characteristics.

RULE 7

Give the other person a good reputation so that they are interested in maintaining it.

8.-MAKE ERRORS APPEAR EASY TO CORRECT

Let us tell a child, a husband, or an employee, that he is stupid in certain things, that he does not have the skills to do them, that he does them wrong, and we will have destroyed all incentives for him to try to improve.

But if we use the opposite technique; if we are liberal in the way of encouraging; if we make things seem easy to do; If we let the other person understand that we have faith in their ability to do them, we will see them practice until dawn, in order to improve themselves.

RULE 8

Encourage the other person. Make mistakes look easy to correct.

9.-MAKE SURE THAT THE OTHER PERSON FEELS SATISFIED TO DO WHAT YOU WANT

For example, instead of giving a dry order like this: "Juan, customers will come tomorrow and I want the warehouse to be clean, so sweep it away, neatly stack the merchandise and clean the counter," we can express the same by showing the benefits that Juan will get if he does his job: “Juan, we have a job to do, and if it's done now, we won't have to worry about it later. Tomorrow I will bring some clients to show them the facilities.

I'd like to show you the deposit, but it's not presentable. If you can sweep it up, stack the merchandise neatly and clean the counter, it will make us look more efficient and you will have done your part to put our company in a good image. "

RULE 9

Make sure the other person feels good about doing what you suggest.

What did you think of the book? What has it given you? Thanks for comment!