UNREQUITED LOVE: HOW TO FORGET AND OVERCOME IT? 5 TIPS - GEOGRAFÍA - 2024

The unrequited love or unilateral, because of its devastating force and drama, has always been one of the great themes of literature, theater and music. It is a universal, deep and painful human feeling that has made infinite hearts tremble throughout history and continues to do so every day. You may be living one yourself, and if it is causing you discomfort, you can get over it and forget about it.

From troubadours to movie stars, it has been represented by countless characters from popular culture, cinema, and its essence has been transmitted through mythology, poetry, songs and even today, television series.; but also and above all, unrequited love is reflected in flesh and blood people who, like you or me, continue to experience it every day.

Unrequited love is that of those who love and do not receive the same type of affection in return, thus creating a feeling that is not reciprocal and travels in a single direction, which grows unevenly between two people and where one of them leaves hurt.

It is undoubtedly one of the most painful types of romantic love, but what are its effects on the body and mind? What psychological pathologies can it cause? How to overcome an unrequited love? Find the answers to these questions and many others in our analysis.

Effects of unrequited love

Whoever has felt it does not need explanations, and whoever has seen a friend, a relative or anyone close to it, will know it well: the effects are very similar to what one experiences when being in love, but instead of feeling happiness and I am glad that when we see that the other person feels the same way for us, that ecstasy of falling in love is transformed into anguish and frustration, encouraging irritability and isolation of those who suffer from it.

Those who are in love tend to search tirelessly for correspondence without finding it, so it is common to be immersed in melancholy, and plunge into a sadness that leads to tears, or in some cases even anger.

When the person we love reciprocates our love, it provokes a feeling of ecstasy that is beneficial to our organism, but when it rejects us, what it favors are feelings of agony and hopelessness.

In this way, reciprocal love (reciprocated, which implies a union with the other) is associated with fulfillment and ecstasy; while unrequited love (rejection, separation) is associated with emptiness, anxiety and hopelessness.

The Chinese philosopher Lao Tse said that “Loving someone deeply gives us strength. Feeling deeply loved by someone gives us value “, however, when the feeling is not reciprocal, the opposite happens, and that strength, that value, disappears, damaging our self-esteem.

From feeling to illness

There are many experts in health and psychology who over the years have emphasized the importance of the diagnosis and treatment of this type of love, as it is no longer a state that the individual can experience at some point in life, but also in some cases of the beginning of a disease.

If you long for someone who does not correspond to you living an unrequited love, you frequently experience a deep sadness that, if not overcome in time, can turn into depression and lead to pictures of anxiety.

Frank Talis, a clinical psychologist in London, is one of the professionals who have indicated the condition of unrequited love as a disease, and not a simple state, in The Psychologist magazine.

And more and more experts agree that love sorrows can kill, and should be taken seriously when diagnosing them. The psychologist assures that many are those who due to an unrequited love can become destabilized, experience suffering and in some cases, clinical symptoms that can even lead to suicide.

However and despite the universal nature of the problem, few scientific studies refer to the "specific problem of lovesickness", even when this bad love could lead people to take their own life.

What I do believe, and based on data, is that you can die of sadness.

The obsessive lover

On many occasions, this love may be due to unrequited lovers maintaining an attachment to their lost love. Perhaps it is due to the fact that they cannot accept the reality of a partner who already loves them, because their thoughts or emotions do not have any type of rational control, or because of an incorrect interpretation of what is happening.

In these cases, the profile of what experts have come to call the obsessive lover is given. He interprets each rudeness or refusal as a pretext to be more persevering, and some psychologists (Baumeister and Wotman) suggest that this type of love usually arises when a person tries to relate to someone more attractive, whom he believes intellectually superior or by others circumstances, unattainable, and for whom you feel great passion.

A different concept, although not far from this description, is bullying, since it represents the worst version of an unrequited love situation.

The stalker (an obsessive lover who exceeds the limits of all rationality, morality and respect), pursues a non-mutual interaction, which, unlike obsessive love, involves the use of force or psychological abuse to achieve its ends in a way. forced and at all costs.

This is the most severe type of unrequited love for those who reject, since what began as an affection turns into harassment and can become violent when the loved one does not agree to the desire of the harasser.

The suffering of those who reject

Recent studies have shown that the one who rejects suffers as much as the one who is rejected. And it is not necessary to suffer the harassment of an obsessive lover, but compassion, the difficulty of firmly expressing a negative and the fear of damaging the feelings of the other, lead the one who is the focus of the desire to suffer as much as the one who is in love..

In the case that we mentioned in the previous section, it is obvious that the other party can also be damaged, but on many occasions we forget that those who do not provide that reciprocity,

How to forget it and get over it?

Those who suffer from unrequited love may feel like they are in a bottomless hole, a dark room in which hope does not exist and where the future cannot be glimpsed.

However, if you find yourself in this situation, it is very important to use all the means to regain control of your life and not give up.

Take back the love for yourself

The most important and at the same time most difficult: recover the love for yourself, the courage and the courage to move forward. That a person does not return your love does not mean that you are not worthy of it.

You must understand, although it is complicated, that although the person you are in love with is not in love with you, this does not mean that nobody loves you or is worthy of love.

Seek social support

Let yourself be helped, surrounding yourself with people who support you and with whom you can share what you feel. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you're in the middle of a crush, but hundreds of people have been through this before.

Finding out how they managed to get ahead can help you and open your eyes to your situation. You are not alone, so instead of seclusion, do not hesitate to accept the help of those who love and value you.

Most people can understand love on some level and may be able to tell you about their own experiences on how they got over a crush. Even if they haven't had personal experience with this problem, they can give you good advice or just keep you company during the bad times.

Unrequited love makes us feel incomplete, empty, desperate, sad, lost… remember that the way to remedy this is to connect with someone outside of yourself, so don't shut yourself up and share what you feel.

Build a life you love

Encourage your passions, your hobbies and pay attention to what you do best and what you enjoy the most to help you regain self-esteem and not overthink that feeling.

The busier you are, the sooner you will realize that life goes on and even if you are still in love, you will come to the conclusion that this person, although still very important, is not everything in your life.

It's difficult, I know, but you have to move on, and yes you can. Trust yourself and above all, love yourself more. The most important love is always the one that one offers oneself, so as difficult as unrequited love can be, think of yourself and you will find that you deserve to move on.

Work on your dreams

Not liking that person you like is not the end of the world. You can be liked by many other people. The more interesting and attractive you are as a person, the more "suitors" you can have.

Become a person you admire. Like yourself. Work for it. Of course, do not confuse working for what you want, than trying to please. If you try to improve to please others and please, you will not be able to feel happy.

Meet other people

If you like one person, you may like hundreds or thousands more. There are many people out there that you can meet and that you will like. Also, they may like you too.

You can like another person if you have something in common, you are kind and also you are physically attractive.

You may also be interested in this article about couple breakups.

References

1. Hatfield, E., & Rapson, R. (1993). Love, sex and intimacy: Their psychology, biology and history. New York: HarperColllins.
2. Unrequited love can be a 'killer'. BBC 6th February 2005
3. Pain of Unrequited Love Afflicts the Rejecter, Too. New York Times, Daniel Goleman. Published: February 9, 1993.