29 CONSEQUENCES OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN - ECONOMÍA - 2024

The most important consequences of divorce in children are the possibility of the appearance of psychological disorders, damaging personal relationships, creating feelings of guilt, imitating negative behaviors, inciting drug use, stress or causing worse academic performance.

Today, the separation and divorce of couples with children is very common and seems to be on the rise. This fact can have negative effects not only for the children but also for the parents themselves.

Although later we will talk about some consequences that exist specifically depending on the age of the minor when the separation occurs, we are going to break down below those that usually occur in a general way in children.

Consequences of divorce in children in general

Possibility of presenting a psychiatric disorder

Children whose parents are separated or divorced are more likely to develop psychiatric disorders than those who live in a more complete and stable home.

It can affect your relationships

A girl who grows up without a father may develop difficulties in her relationship with boys or make inappropriate attempts to recover the lost father.

It also happens in the opposite case, although less frequently since it is usually the mothers who usually keep custody of the children.

Triggers psychological problems

Children can be exposed to the psychological trauma that precedes divorce and the conflictual interaction that occurs between parents after separation. It does not always necessarily condemn a psychological maladjustment.

On the other hand, children of parents who are in conflict to distract their parents, can develop psychological symptoms in order to get more attention.

Creates a feeling of guilt

Minors suffer from separation and may feel guilty without reason for their parents' marital problems. It is a fact that children are involved in the fights of their parents since they compete for their affection and custody, among others.

Imitation of negative behaviors

Children by constantly seeing that their parents are arguing and insulting each other on a daily basis, can begin to imitate the conflicting behaviors of their parents.

Increase behavior problems

On the other hand, a possible response to what is happening and feeling is to begin to have disobedient or defiant behaviors that trigger behavior problems.

Specifically, children from single-parent families in charge of the mother, may present higher scores in aggressive behaviors, antisocial behavior, criminal behavior and alcohol and drug use.

Incites drug use

In single-parent families, there are higher rates of drug use. Although it is true, it also depends on pressure from peers (friends or colleagues) and exposure to deviant models. Their relationship is usually stronger in teenagers who lack a father.

They suffer stress

The child when being immersed in a world where parents are tense and argue and do not know why, can generate a lot of stress. This added to the behavioral problems caused by this fact causes the minor's problems to increase considerably.

They strive to win back their family

The child does not understand why his parents have separated, so he will try by all means to make everything go back to the way it was before or to at least maintain a frequent communication relationship.

Resentment against the parent who cares for you

At times, the child may be resentful of the parent who is left at home while the other parent has left.

This one in his head has those feelings towards the parent who has been left in his charge, since he blames him for causing the other to leave. Normally in most cases, it is usually towards the mother since they are the ones who get custody most of the time.

Resentment against the absent parent

As in the case of the parent who has been left in charge of the minor, the latter will also show resentment towards the one who has left home for the fact that they have left.

In these cases, this may be because the child still does not understand what is happening and thinks that his father or mother has abandoned him. As we will see later, they tend to think that it was their fault.

He acts as a messenger between his parents

Once the parents have separated, they unconsciously make their children act as messengers between them. This can negatively affect the minor since they are being given responsibilities that are not commensurate with their age and can be influenced by one of the parents.

Initiation of sexual activities at a younger age

Compared to intact homes, children of separated families begin sexual activities at an earlier age. On the other hand, girls are more likely to become pregnant at a young age.

Negatively affects academic performance

Due to the separation from their parents, the children present higher school absenteeism as well as lower motivation to learn. This will cause some not to complete compulsory education.

In children between 1 and 3 years old

Depending on the age group at which it occurs, we can also talk about individual consequences for each of them. However, as is logical, we cannot pigeonhole the consequences to each of these, since there will be many that also occur in one or the other regardless of age.

May reflect the caregiving parent's concern

Children see, hear, hear and feel. Therefore, if he finds that the parent who spends more time with him feels nervous or anxious and even cries in front of him. Not knowing what is happening may reflect the concern of the father or mother who is caring for him.

Need for more attention

Due to their age and the worry that the whole divorce process triggers, they will need more attention to fill the void and overcome the stress and sadness they present.

Regression in its development

Some children, due to the stress and anxiety they have suffered during the divorce stage, may experience regression in their development. This can be seen, for example, in children who at a certain age should talk or walk and do not.

Other consequences

Irritability, crying, fear, separation anxiety, sleep problems, aggressive behavior, among others.

Between 4 to 5 years

They blame themselves for the absence or unhappiness of their parents and even feel abandonment anxiety

Due to this, they can act in two ways: behaving very obediently at home or on the contrary, extremely aggressive.

They deny the break

A defense mechanism that they usually have in the face of these events is to deny the breakup of their parents and act as if nothing was happening. For this reason, they ask about the father who is absent as if he were going to come back even though what happened several times had been explained to him.

They idealize the absent father

At times, they may idealize the father who is not at home or even show their rejection of him, refusing to want to see him or enjoy his company.

Between 6 to 10 years

Feeling of grief

They present ambivalent feelings between affections and rejection due to the situation they live at that moment and especially because they have to choose, since at this age they are already asked who they want to be with.

They usually present anger, sadness and nostalgia

They also tend to present anger, sadness and homesickness that affect their school performance. Although they know what is happening, it is difficult for them to assimilate it.

Tweens and teens

De-idealizes their parents

He feels that his family has been broken, so he blames the parents for everything that happened and they often feel lost and afraid.

Due to the above and to the stage of development in which they are, they will present high levels of aggressiveness and disobedience that if not controlled properly, will incite the minor to use drugs, among others.

Antisocial behavior

Depending on the child's personality, another way to cope with the situation is to isolate himself from the world around him and turn to things that he likes and makes him feel good to forget what is happening.

Initiation of sexual intercourse at an earlier age

On the other hand, compared to intact families, children who are raised in single-parent families have a high rate of starting sex at a younger age than the rest. Perhaps it is because of the feeling of emptiness and abandonment that they can feel.

Criminal activities

Due to the emotional and behavioral lack of control, together with the consumption of legal and illegal substances, the minor can carry out criminal activities to capture the attention of their parents or simply to fit into a group and be supported.

Depression

There is also the possibility that adolescents may suffer depression due to separation from their parents, this will depend on their personality and temperament.

Although we have briefly developed some consequences that children can present due to the divorce of their parents both in general and based on age groups. We have to keep in mind that each one faces this fact differently due to their personality and temperament.

Therefore, not all children will present all the consequences that we have exposed here in the same way, nor do all those who go through a divorce process have to be so affected by this fact.

Some Recommendations for Parents in Divorce Process

For children, the divorce process is still a traumatic event that can even mark a before and after in their lives. However, it is up to the parents to make this happen or on the contrary to minimize its consequences as much as possible.

Here are some general recommendations that can help you prevent your child from suffering more than he should:

• Don't argue in front of him. If you have to talk with your partner about something related to the relationship or even about the child, you should do it when he is not in front of you. This way we will avoid arguing in his presence and therefore negative feelings that may influence him.
• Get along with your son. On many occasions, we think that hiding the divorce process from you will be better than if we tell you about it. However, if we do this we are making a big mistake since it will affect you more abruptly and it will cost you more to understand why.
• Make the process normal. One of the best ways to keep this process from affecting your child so much is to take it as normal. Although this is difficult for us, we have to do it for him. Therefore, we have to be calm at all times.
• Do not speak ill of each other. It is not recommended that we try to put it against the other parent, much less that we say negative things to the child about each other.
• Have some routine habits. Another action that will make the child assimilate the divorce process as soon as possible, will be to return to their usual routine habits. Therefore, both parents should agree as soon as possible on the activities that the child should do with each one.
• Agree on parenting guidelines. Something that is usually done is to pamper the child to awaken positive emotions that awaken the child the feeling of happiness more with one parent than with another. However, if we do this we are spoiling and consenting.

It would be advisable to agree on the parenting guidelines that will be followed from now on with your partner, so that there is a stable environment and not harm the mental and physical development of the child.

• Support you during the process. Even if you think that you are the person who suffers the most in the divorce process, the biggest victim is your child. Therefore, you have to support him and explain what is happening so that he sees that it was not his fault and thus avoid that the consequences that may affect him are the least possible.
• Do not put the child in the middle of the arguments. Many couples argue over the child as if it were a war. This also affects you negatively and will increase your frustration as you will not understand what is happening.

Trying to avoid these types of actions will lower the level of anxiety not only in your child but also in the family in general.

References

1. Cantón, J. and Justicia, MD (2002a). Adaptation problems of the divorced children. In J. Canón, MR Cortés and MD Justicia, Marital Conflicts, Divorce and Child Development. Madrid: Pyramid Editions.
2. Conger, RD and Chao, W. (1996). Adolescent depressed mood. In RL Simons & Associates (Eds), Understanding differences between divorced and intact families: stress, interaction, and child outcome, pp. 157-175. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
3. Duarte, JC, Arboleda, MDRC, & Díaz, MDJ (2002). The consequences of divorce on children. Clinical, Legal, and Forensic Psychopathology, 2 (3), 47-66.
4. Farrel, AD and White, KS (1998). Peer influences and drug use among urban adolescents: family structure and parent-adolescent relationship as protective factors. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 66, 248-258.
5. Maganto Mateo, C. (S / F). Psychopathological consequences of divorce in children.