YOUR WRONG ZONES: SUMMARY IN 11 POINTS (QUICK READ) - GEOGRAFÍA

Feelings are not simple emotions that happen to you. Feelings are reactions that you choose to have.

In today's society there is a tendency to think that intelligent people are those who have many academic degrees, get good grades on exams, are good at math or physics, speak very well and politely, or have a long memory. However, there are many people like these who suffer from depression, anxiety or are even in a psychiatric hospital.

An intelligent person should be described as happy and effective on a day-to-day basis, who knows how to solve problems, creates resources, is autonomous, independent and overcomes adversity.

In addition, an intelligent person accepts problems as part of daily life and has the ability to feel the emotions he wants in each vital moment.

Feelings are not simple emotions that happen to you. Feelings are reactions that you choose to have. You are responsible for what you think and what you feel and you can learn to think differently about anything. It depends on you and the choices you make that your life experiences are stimulating and enjoyable.

Own love

In society it is well seen to treat others well and love them, however, it is forgotten that to achieve happiness it is essential to love yourself and value yourself.

It all starts with loving yourself. That way you can love others and do things for them for the mere pleasure of being generous and without expecting anything in return. Have you thought about the value of giving something from a person who is worth nothing? How can you give love if you are worth nothing? What value would your love have?

You yourself choose the value you have and you do not have to ask or explain to anyone. Your own worth is a fact that is not related to your behavior or your feelings. You can choose to be valuable forever; It does not matter that in a moment you have done something that you feel regretful.

You don't need the approval of others

You may want the approval of others, as it is natural to feel happy with the support and acceptance of others. But needing it is one of the most negative wrong zones.

It is negative to need the approval of a person and even more, to need it every time you want to make a decision, solve a problem or do anything.

Get rid of the need for approval if you want to be happy and develop personally.

The break with the past

People often anchor themselves in the past and put labels on themselves. Comments such as the following are frequent: "That's how I am", "I've always been like this", "I can't help it" or "It's my character."

Self-labeling or self-defining is not inappropriate in itself, although it can be if used in a harmful way. Likewise, it is common to use these labels as excuses to stay the same and not make an effort to change. If those self-ratings are negative, you are losing your growth potential.

Those self-labels come from the past but the past no longer exists, the only thing we have now is the present. Every time you use phrases like "I am like this" you are giving yourself a justification for not changing and improving or being happier.

Change "I am" to "I have chosen to be" to be the product of your choices.

The useless emotions: guilt and worry

Two of the most useless emotions of all life are guilt for what has been done and worry about what will happen. With guilt you waste your present moments and with worry you remain immobilized.

You can go on regretting every day, feeling guilty and still you will not solve anything or improve the way you behave. Even if you feel guilty, you are not going to change anything. What she will do is set out to learn from what happened and change.

In addition, worry serves to escape from what really needs to be addressed. If you find yourself worrying, ask yourself: What am I avoiding by spending this moment worrying? After that, act on what you are avoiding. Best for worry is action.

Exploring the unknown

As long as you are human and you live in this world, you can never have security. And if it were, it would be very very boring. Safe eliminates excitement and excitement.

The security that is positive for your personal growth is the inner security of having confidence in yourself.

The education we receive in this society teaches us from childhood that we have to be careful; Caution rather than curiosity is encouraged. "Don't go there", "Don't talk to strangers", "Don't go anywhere alone" are common phrases.

It is believed that the unknown equals danger. It is thought that what you have to do in life is to play it safe and go where other people go. Only the adventurous or "reckless" dare to take risks and explore what is not known.

If you believe in yourself, you can explore the areas of life that offer you nothing safe and avoid following the path that everyone else walks. The people who have historically stood out (Da Vinci, Beethoven, van Gogh, Einstein or Neil Armstrong) are not exactly characterized by having followed in the footsteps of others and not venturing into the unknown. In fact, they were the pioneers in entering new and unknown territories.

Give up the belief that the familiar is better than the unknown. The insecure and unknown can cause us insecurities but they are necessary to change, improve and experience new emotions.

Breaking the barrier of conventions

Our whole life is plagued with "you must do this" and people apply them without thinking about why and what consequences. The sum of all those "musts" is another wrong zone.

This is not to suggest that you disregard the law. Laws are necessary for a civilized society, although if convention is blindly obeyed, it is something different and it can become very destructive.

When these laws don't make much sense and you stop working efficiently, you might reconsider those rules and your behavior around them. Overconditioning yourself to society can be neurotic behavior and lead to depression, anxiety, and unhappiness.

Abraham Lincoln said:

“I never had a policy that I could always apply. I was just trying to do what seemed sensible to me at the right time.

Behaviors that result from "shoulds and shouldn't":

Dressing for an occasion in an uncomfortable way or that you do not like (for example wearing a suit jacket at 35ºC).
Drink alcohol to socialize because it is "normal."
Attend a wedding even if you don't know the bride and groom or you don't like them.
Do the dishes and clean the house because you are a woman.
That for being a woman you do not ask a man out even if you like him.
Always having to find the right way to do something: a food recipe, a repair…
See the game because it is important and everyone will see it even if it does not influence your life.
Jumping for joy for a goal because everyone else does it.
Entering a disco or going to a concert with someone you don't like because your friends are going.

The trap of justice

Few people can say that they never procrastinate despite the long-term backlash.

The procrastination itself is not neurotic, but the emotional reaction that accompanies it and the immobilization that it produces. If you like procrastinating, don't feel guilty about it or it doesn't hurt you, keep procrastinating. But for most people procrastination is a way to get away and live in the present moment.

If you are the typical person who says that you are going to change and live differently, saying so is not going to do you any good (unless you do it with a real commitment). Saying it often serves to postpone action and never finish doing something.

What you do is the only meter to measure yourself as a person, not what you say or what they say about you. Emerson said:

The next time you are talking about something you are going to do, knowing that you will not do it, remember the previous sentence as it is the solution to procrastination.

Proclaim your independence

The issue of leaving the nest and being independent is complicated because our society teaches us that we must meet what is expected of us in some relationships, which include parents, children, authority figures, and loved ones.

If you enjoy the way you interact with people and they don't interfere with your goals in life, you don't need to change that way of interacting.

However, depending on a person psychologically is different and harmful. It involves a relationship not chosen and with which you feel compelled to be someone you do not want to be, in addition to feeling forced to behave in a certain way.

If you want that type of relationship and it assumes well-being, it is not insane. But if you need it to feel well-being or you feel obliged to have it, assuming you are unwell or resentful, it is the wrong area.

It is obligation that is the problem: Obligation produces guilt and dependency, while free choice produces love and independence.

To be independent means to be free from compulsory relationships, absence of behavior directed towards others, not needing someone to be happy (other than wanting relationships with others) or making decisions.

Goodbye to anger

Although expressing anger is healthier than suppressing it, it is healthier not to feel it at all. There is no reason to feel anger, it is not something "human" as is often justified and, in fact, it is a wrong area that is psychologically incapacitating.

It is a choice and a habit that is learned in the face of frustration. It is debilitating and can cause insomnia, tiredness, ulcers or hypertension, leading to guilt or depression.

When you are faced with a situation that does not work out the way you would like, you feel frustrated and react with anger. However, you have the ability to choose: anger and laughter are mutually exclusive, and you have enough power to choose either.

Perhaps the most remarkable characteristic of healthy people is a sense of humor without hostility. A good remedy for anger is to help yourself and others to choose laughter and learn to observe from the outside the incongruous and absurd situations that occur in life.

Portrait of the person without wrong areas

They are too busy to notice what their neighbors are doing.
They enjoy everything that life gives them; they are comfortable doing anything and they don't waste time complaining or wishing things were otherwise.
They are free from guilt and events that happened in the past.
They are not tormented with worries. Some circumstances that other people spend hours and hours thinking about hardly affect them.
They have no need for approval from others.
They laugh and make laugh at almost anything and situation, at absurd events and the most serious and solemn.
They accept themselves without complaint. They accept that they are human beings and that being human implies certain human attributes. They know what your physical appearance is and they accept it.
They appreciate nature. They love being outdoors enjoying, running, walking or doing anything that does not harm it.
They have no emotional commitment to problems. They accept that they are part of life and that allows them to overcome them with ease.
They do not need to draw attention to themselves and they do not criticize, they are doers.
They help others. They pursue social change but don't worry about problems at night or think about injustices without taking action.
They are honest, they do not pretend to lie or escape.
They believe that who they are is their own responsibility and they never blame others for what happens to them.
They have high energy levels. They need little sleep and are healthy.
They are very curious, always looking for things to know, do and learn.
They are not afraid of failure and risk entering the uncertain and unknown. They don't equate external results with your success as a human being.

And what do you think of this book? Do you agree that wrong zones prevent people from being happy? Do you think they can be corrected?

YOUR WRONG ZONES: SUMMARY IN 11 POINTS (QUICK READ) - GEOGRAFÍA - 2025