THE TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE (ROBERT STERNBERG) - PSYCHOLOGY - 2025

The Triangular Theory of Love Robert Sternberg explains that love is and the various components that make it up, which combined in a certain way would result in a specific type of love.

For Sternberg, love is always composed of three elements: passion, intimacy and commitment, which symbolize the corners of the pyramid that is represented when explaining the theory, and which combined in different ways lead to a type of love.

By this he means that at the beginning of a relationship when you are getting to know the person, it is normal for passion to predominate. On the other hand, when the relationship progresses, intimacy or commitment may predominate.

Regardless of the degree in which they appear, the three components must be given to speak of love, giving rise to different forms or types.

What is this theory about?

Robert Sternberg is an American psychologist born on October 8, 1949, professor at Yale University, and former president of the APA. Among his main investigations are those related to intelligence, creativity, hatred and love.

About love he has explained what it is and what it consists of through this triangular theory, trying to cover the different structural aspects as well as its dynamics.

It indicates that there are three interdependent components, which are passion, intimacy and commitment. These three concepts are symbolized around a pyramid where each one is in one of its corners and that combined in a certain way would give rise to a different type of love.

Source: wikipedia.org

The three pillars of his theory would then be passion, intimacy and commitment, and if none appeared, it would not be possible to speak of love. Thus, in a relationship, different triangles can be seen that share the same vertices but with a specific area, which would be the reflection of the amount of love existing in the couple, and a certain geometric shape that would express the balance or weight that each component has.

"These triangles can differ by their size (amount of love), by their shape (balance of love), by whether they represent what you have (real relationship), what you would like to have (ideal relationship), feelings or actions ”(Sternberg, 2000).

Each relationship will be measured not only and exclusively by the intensity of love experienced but also by the balance of the elements.

In addition, each couple can receive this love in a different way, perceiving different degrees of appearance of the components and there are discrepancies between the triangles depending on what one member of the couple lives or another.

For Sternberg, a "perfect" relationship would be made up of the three components, constituting a love that would be difficult to break. A relationship that is based on only one of the elements is less likely to remain in time than another relationship in which two or all three components are present.

On the other hand, the degree of passion, intimacy and commitment can vary, appear or disappear as the relationship progresses and lasts. The relationship can evolve both positively and negatively.

Sternberg states that each component has a certain time evolution. On the one hand, intimacy always grows as the relationship progresses. On the other hand, the passion is very intense at first but tends to decrease as it progresses, reaching equilibrium and even disappearing. And finally, commitment, which grows more slowly than intimacy and stabilizes when the relationship is consolidated.

Despite this, it refers to the fact that, although each one follows an evolution, they are interdependent components that are influenced by each other.

What is passion?

Passion is the intense desire to be with the other person constantly. It is the union between two people, the expression of desires and needs, sexuality, arousal (not only sexual), sexual satisfaction. In addition, both passion and sexual intimacy are key in couple relationships.

Passion can be related to intimacy but this is not always true. On the other hand, passion progresses on the basis of intermittent reinforcement, that is, it decreases when a reward is obtained each time one acts but increases when sometimes a reward is obtained and sometimes not.

What is intimacy?

Intimacy is related to all those feelings that promote the bond, that makes us trust the other person, allowing us to open up and be ourselves. It promotes rapprochement as well as the bond between the couple. There is respect, trust, union, communication and support.

We speak of intimacy when there is a feeling of happiness and when there is a desire to promote the well-being of the other person. It is reflected in a mutual understanding, in the support of the other person when they need it, in the self-giving, in close communication and on intimate aspects of the person.

The origin of intimacy occurs when we begin to show ourselves as we are, in an evolution and progress, both at the level of trust and at the level of mutual acceptance.

What is commitment?

Commitment is the decision you make when loving the other person, and an "agreement" to maintain the same in the long term, that is, the decision and expectations for the future. It is reflected through fidelity, loyalty and responsibility.

This commitment can disappear when the initial passion also disappears, or remain and increase with intimacy. Commitment is the stabilizing component of relationships.

Types of love

Based on the combination of passion, intimacy and commitment, different types of love arise that depend on which of the three components carries more weight.

• The affection or affection: implies intimacy but there is neither passion nor commitment. This type of love occurs in friendship relationships.
• Infatuation: it implies passion exclusively, but there is neither intimacy nor commitment. It is what we would know as "love at first sight."
• Romantic love: this love implies intimacy and passion, but not commitment. That feeling of union and passion is not accompanied by a commitment, a stability.
• Fatuous love: implies commitment and passion, but not intimacy. The passion here is quickly concretized in commitment before intimacy occurs, being an unstable commitment since there is not that union, that characteristic bond when intimacy is present. An example would be the "lightning weddings".
• Sociable, companionate love: implies intimacy and commitment, but not passion. It is the characteristic love of couples who have been in a relationship for many years, lifelong marriages where passion and attraction have disappeared but intimacy is enormous and the commitment remains.
• Empty love: implies commitment and decision to love the other but without the existence of intimacy or passion. An example of this type of love would be relationships of convenience.
• The consummate love: this love implies intimacy, passion and commitment, the love that implies the three components and that would be the perfect love. It represents the ideal of relationship that everyone wants to reach, but few reach and maintain since some of the components may disappear and it would become a different type of love.
• Lack of love: it would not be a type of love since we would be talking about couples in which there would be neither passion, nor intimacy, nor commitment. They are relations that are maintained by interest, by routine or by other external variables.

Types of triangles

The three pillars of his theory, without which it would be impossible to speak of love, make up the three vertices of the triangle that he proposes to explain his theory, and the different types of love that appear. For Sternberg, there is not a single triangle but many that are divided into the following.

Real triangles and ideal triangles

In every relationship there is a real triangle that represents the love that really exists towards the other person, and an ideal triangle that one aspires to reach and achieve for a better relationship and satisfaction with the other person. The ideal of this person is based on previous experiences or expectations that the person has.

By interposing both triangles we can see how much both triangles coincide (real and ideal), the greater the coincidence between the two, the greater the satisfaction in the relationship.

Self-perceived triangles and triangles perceived by others

People have their own triangle about how we think about what we are in our love relationship, about our perception of ourselves.

However, the other person has a triangle according to their perception of our love for him or her. The more difference between self-perceived triangles and triangles perceived by others, the more likely it is that problems will occur and that there is less satisfaction with the partner.

Triangles of feelings and triangles of actions

There may be discrepancies between feelings and attitudes, that is, between what we say we feel for the other person and what the other person really perceives of what we feel through our actions, how we express it.

It is very relevant to have the ability to express the love we feel towards the other through our actions, since these have great repercussion to reach a satisfactory relationship.

Modifications of the triangular theory

Yela introduces modifications to Sternberg's triangular theory (1996, 1997, 2000), defending the existence of four components by dividing passion in two. Understand on the one hand that there is an erotic passion and on the other a romantic passion.

By erotic passion, he understands a love of a physical and physiological nature, such as general activation, physical attraction, sexual desire, among others, which would correspond to the concept of passion understood by Sternberg and which would decrease over the years.

By romantic passion he means a passion based on a set of ideas and attitudes about the relationship, such as having a romantic ideal for example. The latter would follow an evolution similar to what Sternberg understands by intimacy.

What is love?

Love is one of the most intense emotions that people can experience, and there are many types of love. Even so, the most sought after and desired would be the love of a couple, the search for a romantic relationship and a person with whom we have that passion and intimacy and reach a more long-term commitment.

According to the RAE, love would be an intense feeling of the human being, which, starting from its own insufficiency, needs and seeks the meeting and union with another being.

Another definition would be love understood as a feeling of affection, inclination and dedication to someone or something.

The intense feelings as well as the emotions that are experienced when we fall in love affect both our body and our mind. For this reason, there have been multiple theories, research and studies that have focused on this concept as abstract as love.

Falling in love is explained through biochemistry by the intervention of dopamine, a neurotransmitter present in various brain areas, which is associated with a reward and pleasure system (involved in feelings of desire).

Many studies carried out through functional magnetic resonance imaging have shown that people who are in love when they see photos of their partner among other control subjects, various brain areas are activated. Judgment, sleep disturbances, impaired attention, as well as a decrease in serotonin are affected.

Phenylethylamine is an amphetamine secreted by the body involved in falling in love, which activates the secretion of dopamine and produces oxytocin, which activates sexual desire.

Researchers at University College London captured images of brains in love and concluded that some such as the cingulate anterior cortex are activated.

This area also responds to synthetic drugs producing feelings of euphoria. In addition, the areas that are responsible for making social judgments as well as the assessment of situations are deactivated, making us "blind" with love.

References

1. Cooper, V., Pinto, B. (2008). Attitudes to love and Sternberg's theory. A correlational study in university students aged 18 to 24 years. Ajayu Organ of Scientific Dissemination of the Department of Psychology UCBSP
2. Serrano Martínez, G., Carreño Fernández, M (1993). Sternberg's theory of love. Empirical analysis. Psicothema.
3. Almeida Eleno, A. (2013). The ideas of love by RJ Sternberg: the triangular theory and the narrative theory of love. Family. Pontifical University of Salamanca.
4. Calatayud Arenes, MP (2009). Love relationships throughout the life cycle: generational changes. University of Valencia.