EMOTIONAL INSECURITY: CAUSES, CONSEQUENCES, HOW TO OVERCOME IT - ARTE - 2025

The emotional insecurity is a feeling of low self - confidence and self - worth. Insecurities can arise from previous experiences in early childhood and reinforce as the person grows.

Although some level of insecurity is normal, people with high levels of insecurity can have problems relating to others, at work and in general life.

Causes

When we are children, we are not aware of what we can and cannot do. We approach the world eager to explore it, instead of being fearful about life.

Little by little, adults are enhancing or restricting the confidence and security we have in our own capacities and we can develop a feeling of inferiority.

Therefore, society is considered to play an important role in the lack of confidence we have in ourselves.

As we grow, we assimilate the idea that we have a duty to meet the expectations of those around us: study the career that our parents expect, be successful people, have many friends, etc.

On many occasions, we try to achieve perfection, trying to get the best grades, being the best in our work, etc. Later, when we realize that we are not perfect, the feeling of lack of confidence arises in us.

Consequences of insecurity

It is a very unpleasant feeling, which can negatively affect us in many spheres of our lives. The lack of confidence in ourselves causes us to feel capable of doing something, so we avoid trying - so that our negative expectations are met.

For example, if you think that you do not have enough capacity to practice a sport on a regular basis, you will not try so hard to acquire the habit, so you will make an excuse that you are not capable of doing it.

On the contrary, a person with sufficient confidence in himself will be more willing to learn, to improve the aspects in which he is not very good, to set goals and fight to achieve them, with the certainty that, if he fails, he can always start again.

This security and trust makes people more skilled at work, academically and in their interpersonal relationships.

As you can see, there are many benefits that you can obtain if you dare to increase your confidence in yourself.

How to overcome emotional insecurity

1. See this change as a process, not as a single goal

Obviously, in order for you to increase your confidence and self-confidence, it is necessary that you set specific goals, in addition to dedicating enough time for the process of increasing your confidence to take hold.

It is very important that you learn to be patient and value the achievements you are making, instead of blaming yourself for everything that you have not yet achieved. With regard to the specific objectives that you want to achieve, it is you who must establish them and fight to pursue them day by day.

Think of everything you would like to improve on. Each has its own challenges, so there is a wide variety of options:

• Be more confident at the level of non-verbal language. For example, you can propose to look at their face when someone speaks to you.
• Lose the embarrassment to speak in public. Both in meetings of friends and in work exhibitions. In both cases, it will be very beneficial to have more confidence in yourself.
• Know how to say no. To reject a proposal, an advice or a favor that has been asked of you, it is also necessary that you have great confidence and personal security.

These are just some examples of challenges that you can set yourself, which will help you face everything that makes you feel bad and insecure about yourself.

If you set yourself short-term goals, you will have much more realistic expectations and, at the same time, you will be able to perceive the results little by little, instead of getting frustrated by not reaching your unattainable goals.

2. Think about your talents and qualities

Surely one of the reasons why you feel that your self-confidence is low is that you tend to highlight your flaws, in a way that they overshadow your virtues. Taking a moment to analyze all the virtues and abilities that you have will help you to have a more objective view of yourself.

This exercise can be carried out with paper and pencil, since if you write them down, you will be able to read the areas in which you are competent whenever you need to.

For this to have the desired effect, you have to avoid comparing yourself to others. For example, instead of saying “I speak English better than my co-worker”, you should write “I have a good command of English”.

If this exercise is difficult for you and you cannot find examples of activities in which you are competent, you can ask the people around you, surely you will get many pleasant surprises.

After dedicating the necessary time, you will be able to appreciate all those positive qualities and virtues that you possess, which will help increase your security and confidence in yourself.

In addition, visualizing your past successes, being aware of everything that you have achieved by yourself, will help you have greater confidence in the future.

3. Change your internal language, leaving aside self-criticism

Sometimes, without realizing it, you send negative internal messages about yourself. Surely on some occasions, you even verbalize these messages to other people, saying for example "how clumsy I am" "I never do things right".

The first step to change this communication with yourself is to learn to detect these negative messages and turn them into positive ones.

It is not about denying reality, but about being more objective in the –constructive- criticisms that we make of ourselves. An example could be the following:

Instead of saying: “I am very irresponsible and disorganized”, you could say: “I would like to be more orderly and responsible. I have to work to change this aspect of myself ”.

In the first case, you can see how it is a negative self-criticism about oneself, which simply makes a description, without intention or purpose of change. However, the second case reveals a language that promotes change in an area with which one is dissatisfied.

By changing this language, little by little, you will change your catastrophic thoughts about yourself, you will achieve your goals little by little and this will lead you to increase your level of self-confidence.

4. Pay attention to your non-verbal language

Non-verbal language largely reveals many aspects of our personality. Surely more than once you have detected a level of emotional insecurity in other people thanks to their non-verbal language.

The signs of people who have low confidence and security are usually the following:

• They do not hold their gaze when talking to another person.
• Their gaze is lowered.
• They do not usually take the initiative when starting a conversation.
• Sometimes they speak quickly because they want to end their speech soon, for fear that they will be inappropriate.
• Normally, they have a hunched body position.
• They speak in a low tone and hesitating.

In order for you to convey greater confidence and self-confidence, you need to modify these aspects of non-verbal language. Start by detecting which are the non-verbal language signs where you transmit an image of low self-confidence, to gradually modify it.

Do not try to modify all these aspects at the same time, since you will be more concerned with giving a good image than enjoying a conversation or a meeting with your friends.

With regard to verbal language, you should consider speaking calmly and spontaneously, so that you can transmit confidence to the person who is listening.

5. Use your sense of humor

A common aspect of self-insecure people is that criticism affects them more than other people.

If you have this problem, you are sure to blush when you make a fool of yourself or say something inappropriate - or even stay out of the group for fear of an uncomfortable situation.

To combat this embarrassment, you should use your sense of humor. If you have a mistake or say something inappropriate, you can laugh at yourself, so that others can laugh with you - not you.

Minimize the consequences that your behavior may have, so that you do not have excessive and irrational fear of criticism from those around you.

6. Don't continually apologize

This is another aspect of your verbal and non-verbal language that you should modify. If you are an insecure person, you may be overly apologetic, so the words "sorry," "excuse me," or "I'm sorry" are often in your vocabulary.

Asking for forgiveness or apologizing for everything makes others see you as a very insecure and weak person. In addition, it also has negative consequences for yourself, since you consider that you are the culprit or responsible for what happens around you.

By making a few simple changes to your vocabulary, you will make others feel more confident in yourself, while avoiding feeling bad about your behavior.

To make it easier for you to see, you could avoid saying, "I'm sorry I was late," and change it to "thanks for waiting."

In this way, you are grateful to the other person but without the need to be overly concerned about what they may say about you or what they may reproach you for.

In this example, you could also use the sense of humor described above, telling in a funny way the reason why you were not punctual.

7. Don't be overly humble

To increase your security and self-confidence, you should learn to accept the compliments you receive from others. Put aside the shame that you have been told how good the new haircut looks for you, or that you are praised for having done your job well.

You do not need to be arrogant or pretentious, just thank others for all the positive things they say about you, thank them and value those positive aspects of yourself.

People who have great confidence and self-assurance are also capable of flattering others - in fact, they often do so frequently. Try to acquire this habit of complimenting others and you will enjoy the positive consequences it brings - acceptance, gratitude, etc.-.

8. Take care of your physical appearance

Although the physical is not the most important thing, it is clear that your security and confidence depends, in part, on it. Wearing appropriate clothes for each occasion, not being too extravagant, will help you feel more confident and less worried about what they will say.

On the other hand, you should also pay attention to your silhouette - without becoming obsessed - so that the person you see in the mirror makes you feel good every day.

So that you can be more satisfied with your image, you can propose to dedicate a little more time to your personal care - apply moisturizers, make a hairstyle that favors you, etc.-.

Your purpose should be to become the best version of yourself, without comparisons with others, without judging or blaming yourself for your current appearance.

Remember that your security and confidence in yourself should not depend exclusively on your physical appearance, since it would be a false security that only makes you feel good temporarily.

If you follow these tips, you will be able to build a security and confidence in yourself that will help you increase your personal well-being.

And what are you doing to be a more confident person?

References

1. Branden, N. (1989). How to improve your self-esteem. Book club.
2. Branden, N. (1995). The six pillars of self esteem. Paidos.
3. González-Pienda, JA, Pérez, JCN, Pumariega, SG, & García, MSG (1997). Self-concept, self-esteem and school learning. Psicothema, 9 (2), 271-289.
4. López, MPS, García, MEA, & Dresch, V. (2006). Anxiety, self-esteem and self-satisfaction as predictors of health: differences between men and women. Psicothema, 18 (3), 584-590.