ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION: 15 EFFECTIVE TECHNIQUES (WITH EXAMPLES) - GEOGRAFÍA - 2025

The Assertive communication is the ability to respect others and respect for us from the other, verbal and nonverbal attitude. A clear definition is: "express your opinions, tastes, wishes or claim your rights while always respecting the rights of others."

It is important to develop assertive communication, as you will see positive effects on your physical and emotional health. Some examples of its benefits are reducing stress, improving social skills, increasing self-esteem, and gaining personal satisfaction.

Because assertiveness is based on mutual respect, it is an effective communication style for relating to the people around you. If you are assertive, you show respect for yourself because you are able to defend your own interests and express your feelings and thoughts.

On the other hand, it also shows that you are aware of the rights of others and that you are willing to resolve conflicts. The important thing is not only what you say, but also or more how you say it. Assertive communication gives you the opportunity to send a clear and respectful message.

If you communicate too passively or too aggressively, your message may get lost or simply not be taken into account by others. Therefore, learning communication techniques that allow you to respect yourself is essential to achieve your goals and feel good about yourself.

How are assertive people?

If you are assertive you will have the following characteristics:

• You feel free to express your thoughts, wishes, and feelings.
• You are able to initiate and maintain pleasant relationships with people.
• You know your rights.
• You have control over your impulses and anger. It does not mean that you repress your emotions, but you can control and express them appropriately.
• You are able to make agreements with other people.
• You take into account your needs and those of others.

Communication styles

The communication styles can be classified into:

Aggressive communication

It is a style in which the rights of the other person are not respected and violent verbal and non-verbal language is used.

Characteristics of this style are: challenging looks, destructive criticism, voice tone too high, violent gestures, raising hands too much, pointing with the finger…

Passive communication

It is a style in which the rights of oneself are not respected and it is about pleasing others. Its characteristics are: looking down, not giving personal opinion, doing something against one's will, always saying yes, etc. It can lead to stress, resentment, victimization, or revenge.

Assertive communication

It is a style in which we respect the rights of the other person and at the same time we are aware of our own.

Assertive communication techniques

1-Evaluate your style

It is important that you understand what style of communication you have before you start to change it.

Do you defend your rights? Do you say yes despite not having time? Do you quickly blame others?

If you have an aggressive style you will know that you have to be more gentle when speaking and listening more. If it is passive, you will have to reaffirm yourself and communicate your opinions more.

2-Use phrases with "I"

Use phrases with "I" reaffirm your opinions, wishes and rights.

Plus, you'll let others know what you're thinking without sounding like you're accusing, "I disagree" instead of "You're wrong."

3-Learn to listen

Being a good communicator includes being a good listener, and being a good listener includes maintaining an open attitude toward the person's message.

Maintain eye contact, listen with interest, and control your own emotions and thoughts, in order to avoid reactions, defenses, explanations, or interruptions.

This does not mean that you agree with what the other person says, but rather to know what the other person is saying.

Example: when you are talking to someone, wait for them to finish their sentences before answering.

4-Look for agreements

It is a skill that is related to negotiation. It is about reaching win-win agreements, avoiding extreme positions in which only someone wins or loses.

For example: agree with your partner to clean the kitchen while he / she cleans the bathroom.

5-Identify your needs and seek to satisfy them

• Don't expect someone to recognize what you need, you could wait forever.
• Understand that to take advantage of your full potential you must satisfy your needs.
• Find a way to meet your needs without sacrificing those of others.

6-Oppose assertively. Learn to say no

If someone is insisting you to do something you do not want (which often happens, for example with salespeople), you can directly say "no" without feeling guilty, giving excuses or explanations.

Example: No thanks, I don't need that product / service. Thanks for your time. Goodbye.

7-Use non-verbal language

Communication is not just verbal. In fact there is agreement that more than 80% of communication is non-verbal.

Maintain eye contact (without staring), stand straight, use your hands, and speak clearly.

8-Control emotions

Although it is positive to express your feelings assertively, in certain situations it is convenient to control emotions such as anger.

For example, if you are very angry, you should not argue with your partner or go to a meeting. In that case, you could say things that you regret.

Work on controlling your emotions and staying calm to communicate effectively without your emotions controlling you.

9-Scratched disc

It is about repeating a "no" or a no + phrase repeatedly after a request from the other person or when they try to manipulate you. Try to do it calmly and avoiding using the same words.

Example: As I said, I do not need your product / service. Thank you and goodbye.

10-Face criticism

It is based on facing criticism in a constructive way. You can do this by asking for details about the review (how, what, who) and information.

In this way, you will be able to know well what the interlocutor wants to convey. It is convenient that you partially agree with the criticism if it is true or could be, respect the other person, and give thanks.

On the other hand, a criticism made by a person with criteria is not the same as another by someone without enough information.

Example: thanks for your feedback, I will take it into account to improve in these aspects.

11-Accept your emotions

One of the obstacles to assertive communication is the belief that having emotions like anger is bad.

However, anger is a normal emotion and you are not bad for feeling it.

Of course, it is one thing to feel it and another to express it in a negative way with personal attacks, insults or revenge.

The assertive person accepts his emotions, controls them and expresses them respecting himself and the other person.

12-Affirm or ask clearly

Aggressive or passive people tend to communicate what bothers them by taking detours. They also make requests around the edges.

At the same time, they can use affirmations or requests to attack or ask questions with personal attacks included.

For example: "After spending 10 hours with your friends, can you pick me up?" or "Since you care so much about taking care of yourself, can we go out more time together?"

Communicate clearly what you want, if something is bothering you, say so assertively and avoid covert or sarcastic personal attacks.

13-Request behavior changes to another person

It's about making others feel open to you and begin to feel confident.

It is based on telling the other person what you like about them: “I like the way you dress”, “Congratulations on the passed exam”. Keep a nice facial gesture and smile.

15-Fog bank

It is used to avoid a direct conflict when a person speaks aggressively to you or makes an attacking comment. It is based on saying unexpected responses to curb aggressive behavior.

Example: How can it be that you are still single? You should find a boyfriend now. Answer: you are right, I have had too many suitors and I had a hard time deciding.

Here is a video summary with these techniques.