HOW TO OVERCOME A BREAKUP: 10 TIPS TIPS - GEOGRAFÍA - 2024

A breakup is something common in life; We have all ever had to go through one, either because it was a toxic relationship or because of infidelity. In most cases, people do not know how to handle this type of situation, hence conflicts arise and increase tension and suffering between the two.

In this article I will explain how to overcome a couple breakup, be it a formal or informal relationship, a marriage or a common-law relationship, and whether you have children or not. In the end the pain is the same and with the help of psychology you can better cope with these bad moments.

New technologies seem to have helped make it easier to end a relationship: it is estimated that 28 million couples break up each year due to causes derived from social networks such as Facebook or WhatsApp.

Facing a sentimental separation, assuming it and overcoming heartbreak is hard, although you don't have to worry too much or give it too much importance. Most breakups go through a grieving phase, but with time and knowing how to manage your emotions, you will overcome it.

According to a survey by "The Telegraph", before finding the ideal partner or with whom we will spend the most time, men and women have on average two separations or "heart breaks".

Normally, to get out of the bad stage, you ask for help from friends or people with experience and they usually tell you things like "time heals everything" or "go out and have fun" and in fact they are often right. With the advice that I do not agree with is the one to "go out and find someone else", since that could lead to dependency or not resolve the duel properly.

To make my guidelines more reliable, I will base the article on scientific strategies that have been shown to be most effective in overcoming these situations. Before, I will also explain some concepts that will help you better understand the situation you have to face.

Phases of grief after a breakup

If you have ended a relationship, you are probably going through a "duel." Your ex-partner is no longer in your life and you will be going through a loss process. There are also people who don't go through this stage, although in that case I don't think they needed help.

Without a doubt, knowing these phases will help you understand the process you are going through and avoid certain complicated situations that can cause even more pain.

1- Denial

In this phase, you will refuse to accept that the relationship has ended, it will be difficult for you to believe that the breakup has occurred, you will feel sad and probably cry, which you should not repress since it is normal.

2- Anger

If you go through this phase, you will feel that someone has treated you unfairly or has betrayed you. If it was the other person who left you, you will wonder how he could do that and you will be surprised that it does not affect him in the same way that it is affecting you. Not all of us have to face the break in the same way, since each one has their own perspective.

In this phase there is usually a deep sadness and there may be aggressiveness and anxiety.

3- Negotiation

In this phase, people usually seek solutions and agreements for the ex-partner to return. You may act impulsively, texting, calling, or asking your ex back.

But as you may well know, negotiations rarely end well. Every breakup takes a while where you have to assume that one or both of them wanted to end the relationship.

A healthy negotiation could end, for example, by staying as friends and not losing that trust that you once maintained. But it is not always that easy, since for either of you it could be painful, because you still feel for that person and do not assume the breakup.

That is why I recommend taking time to be at least as friends. If it is not viable, it is best to distance yourself forever.

4- Despair and depression

In this phase you will begin to understand that the relationship has ended and that you will not return. This is when a deep sadness and possible depression begins, with feelings of reluctance and hopelessness.

Symptoms such as eating little or a lot or sleeping little or a lot and not wanting to go out are normal. But don't worry, this phase will pass, but how quickly it does will depend on how you manage it.

In this article we give you 10 tips to overcome a depression for love.

5- Acceptance

In this phase you accept that you finished with your partner, you are recovering your strength and you do not have so many negative thoughts. Although you have good memories of your partner, they do not cause you as much suffering as before and you begin to talk normally about your past relationship.

Steps to overcome a love breakup

1- Accept the situation

In some situations a reconciliation will be possible and in others it is highly recommended that the relationship be definitively ended.

To cope with the breakup, you must accept your situation and not tell yourself that it is a bad pothole and a temporary separation. Not that the breakup is good, but that it is real.

Expressing yourself and talking to yourself and others is very important, even if you are in a bad mood or very sad.

A good way to deal with this situation is to keep a journal of what you are thinking and feeling. Writing your thoughts makes it easier for your brain to process information. Because you do not fully understand the situation, that will help you understand it and know what is happening since everything has been a shock.

In this aspect, you will have to take into account the effect called the "white bear". It's about when you try not to think about a white bear, you actually start to think about it more.

The same is true if you think about your ex-partner. Do not be overwhelmed or try to eliminate that thought or memory, just accept it and understand that it is a normal phase and that in time it will pass.

2- Avoid anger

As you have been able to read at the point of mourning, something common after a separation is anger, which will only bring you bad consequences.

Try to recognize it when you feel it and avoid showing it with any action. To do this, you can exercise, meditate or practice relaxation exercises.

To recognize it, it is recommended that you pay attention to your thoughts and let them pass. You must see those negative thoughts as black clouds, which will sometimes flood your days, but you must let them pass.

3- Do not get in touch

Avoid as much as possible stimuli or situations that remind you of your ex-partner. Your partner acted like a drug to your brain; When you were with her, your neurons released dopamine, the neurotransmitter of well-being.

You will have to do the same as when a drug addict wants to overcome his addiction; stop using the drug. In your case it is to stop contacting, seeing or relating to your ex. If the relationship ended, it is from the past and it is not worth continuing to invest time and effort.

The temptation to go to Facebook to see what he is doing, see photos or call him is normal. But this will only make it harder to get over it, create more pain, and lengthen your recovery.

It is not about forgetting, after all, it is someone who shared part of your life. The aim is to create a new life and to overcome the situation. It will be especially important at first to avoid places you used to share or view photos. In time it won't be as painful.

Other things you can do:

• When you see that you are about to "fall into temptation" (see photos, visit Facebook, call), immediately start doing something else. For example, if you are going to enter her facebook, turn off the computer and go out to play sports.
• It will be your decision to get rid of objects such as photos or clothes. In my opinion it is better to do it.

4- Create your new life

Depending on how much you shared with your ex-partner, you will have to change more habits or less in your life.

To solve the break it is necessary that you begin to build your new life little by little. You will do this by building new personal relationships, doing new activities and changing certain negative habits.

"Create your new life" will be based on creating social and personal resources:

• Seek support from friends and family. Talking about the breakup is beneficial.
• Make new friends. It is likely that you share friendships with your ex-partner and at least at the beginning of the breakup it may be good that it is not you see. Sign up for workshops, courses, sports…
• Adopt new habits: running, improving your form in the gym, dancing, cooking, writing…
• Set new goals and get excited.
• Work on your personal resources: personal resources such as independence or raising your self-esteem.

5- Learn to be independent

Being independent is learned with the attitude of needing only yourself to achieve goals and live, not needing anyone to be able to achieve things and enjoy life.

It is a competition that will help you achieve professional goals, improve your quality of life and have better personal relationships. Therefore, being independent is not being lonely or isolating yourself, but depending solely on yourself to be happy.

You don't learn to be independent overnight. As in everything, it is necessary to go step by step. Make a list, beginning with simple tasks and moving on to more difficult activities. For example:

-Eat alone.

-Go to the supermarket alone.

-Sign up for self-defense classes alone.

-Take a solo trip.

-Go out for a coffee alone.

… etc.

And finally, I consider the most important thing: learn to control that your happiness depends on you. That is to say, that you are not happy only when someone tells you that you are handsome or that you do not feel bad because someone says something unpleasant to you. From now on, your well-being will be in your control, forget about being emotionally dependent.

This does not mean that you become lonely or afraid of commitment. It's about being able to feel comfortable and happy with yourself, even when you're alone.

To complement this, I recommend this article on "how to love yourself."

6- Recognize and change your negative thoughts

The way you interpret the breakup and your situation will contribute to the speed of your recovery. A person who after a break-up believes that he is now freer, has more free time or has matured, will recover more quickly than another who has negative thoughts.

You have to be aware of your perceptions and thoughts in the here and now to change those negative thoughts, feelings, and moods.

For example, before a break you can think:

-That you are not going to find another partner and that it will go bad for you (negative thought).

-That it is an opportunity to learn and that the next relationship will be better.

Logically, the second interpretation will help you much more to overcome the situation. Therefore, work on observing your thoughts and question some such as: "I am not going to find anyone else who loves me", "I am worth nothing", "I will be alone the rest of my life." This will only help you maintain your pain.

7-Reattribution technique

Something common in a breakup is that you feel guilty or responsible for it.

This technique is based on you examining the situations that led to the breakup (everything, not just the recent thing) and logically assigning responsibility to each member of the couple.

It is not about freeing yourself from all responsibility, but about giving each member the responsibility they deserve and not assigning it all.

-What events led to the breakup? Could part of the responsibility be attributed to your ex?

You can reflect and, if it helps, write the new "reattribution."

For example:

• He / she did not keep his / her promise.
• He was no longer considerate and unkind.

8- Improve your self-esteem

The benefits of self-esteem are numerous; it is associated with happiness, resilience, motivation, health, and productivity.

The key to improving your self-esteem is to change the way you interpret your life, analyze the negative interpretations you make of events, and create new thoughts and goals that promote the growth of your self-esteem.

I recommend this article to start improving it.

9- Find role models

A role model is someone who has already accomplished or does the action that we want to do.

Science has shown that role models can help us know how to solve a problem and motivate us.

Do you have an example of a strong man or woman who has gone through a breakup without great difficulty? Find him and learn from him / her. These motivational stories can help you.

10- be patient

You are likely sad, desperate, and don't know what to do. The first weeks or even months will be normal. In fact, the weird thing would be that after an important breakup you are completely happy and it has not affected you.

So keep in mind that recovery is a time-consuming process, although you can "give it a little push" by applying some of the tips outlined above.

Conclusions

In relationships there are no good and bad, guilty and innocent, there are simply good and bad relationships.

Overcoming a separation is a difficult and unpleasant process, although with time you will recover and you will even have learned to do better in the next relationship. Using certain techniques, habits and avoiding certain behaviors will be easier for you.

Here is a video summary of the article: