30 RULES OF A GOOD SPEAKER AND GOOD LISTENER - CULTURE VOCABULARY - 2025

The rules of the good speaker and the good receiver is something that we have been taught repeatedly almost since we have use of conscience, when we went to school as children and our teachers tried to instill these social guidelines in us.

These rules help us to be able to have effective communication, without problems and to improve our performance when transmitting a message to other people.

Communication is an activity that accompanies us from our birth until the day we die. It is that process that occurs when exchanging a message and information between two or more people.

Effective norms of the good speaker or issuer

1- Think before speaking

It is important to think about the idea you want to express before arguing it, so as not to make any mistakes. That is, to think very well about the topic that is being talked about or discussed, so that coherence about what is being talked about is not lost.

2- Look carefully at the person who is going to speak to you

Looking directly into the eyes of the person to whom you want to convey the message denotes security before the receiver, making the message much more credible and creating an atmosphere of trust. It helps to have much more focus and that the listener feels part of the conversation.

3- Speak in an appropriate tone of voice

The volume with which you speak is very important, because you must hear what we want to say. The projection of the voice is essential for communication, but remember that projection does not mean shouting, but speaking in a tone appropriate to the place where we are. Avoid being aggressive.

4- Pronounce the words correctly

Diction is very important when it comes to communicating. It does not matter in which language what we are speaking is spoken, it must always be said in an understandable way to avoid losing meaning and causing isolation.

5- Do not speak at the same time as the other person

Unless it is something programmed or arranged with another issuer, you should not speak at the same time as another person. The reason is that the message that the other person may be emitting is downplayed, neither of the two people understand each other and it can be taken as a lack of respect, as if what the other person was expressing had no relevance.

6- Speak in a respectful way

Respect always starts from ourselves as individuals. We were born to express ourselves freely and without fear of being attacked. Respect is a very important factor in the area of ​​communication.

It is important to have sensitivity as human beings and to have respect when expressing ourselves, that is, listening to an opinion or argument with which we do not agree. After all, show tolerance and make use of assertive communication, since we cannot be the same.

7- Try not to utter rudeness when speaking

Rudeness shows poverty in vocabulary, being a resource that is normally used when we cannot find enough words to express ourselves. They can also be taken offensively and be very annoying to the receiver.

8- Express yourself in a clear and simple way

One should always express oneself in a way that the people who are listening to us can understand us. The person you are talking to also has a lot to do with it.

You do not explain something to a 5-year-old child in the same way as to a 40-year-old adult or a person over 70. There must be an understanding of the message you want to get across.

9- Be as precise as possible when expressing an idea

Many times when we want to express something we tend to wander, go around and give a lot of unnecessary information that does not contribute to the idea we want to express.

It can also happen that we are not quite sure what we want to communicate and we do not talk about the specific topic we want to discuss. That is why it is so important to organize our ideas in our heads and to know what is most relevant about the subject.

10- Maintain a body language according to what is being spoken

We agree that there are different types of communication and that one of them is through body language. When speaking we must avoid attitudes such as having our hands in our pockets or moving at the same time we speak, since they are gestures that show insecurity in our speech. A good conversation should always be accompanied by an upright, calm and stress-free posture.

11- Do not focus on one person

If you are addressing two or more people, avoid keeping the focus of your speech on one person. Sometimes, simply because we feel more confident, we direct our words or our gaze to someone specific even though you are referring to everyone.

However, this can make the other people you are not looking at feel left out, which could be interpreted as a lack of education.

To avoid this, share glances with all listeners equally and, if possible, mention their name in your speech. This will also increase your attention.

12- Avoid a language that cannot be understood

When you speak, avoid words that may generate doubt in the listening public. These can be very technical, localisms, Anglicisms or simply cultured words that are not known to everyone.

For example, if someone asks you "How is your vocabulary?" and your answer is "commendable", possibly a large part of the population will not understand you even though your answer is totally valid.

13- Do not leave the message in the middle

If you start a conversation where you are going to tell an important fact or interesting anecdote, do not leave it in the middle. This could irritate the listener, eager to know the end of the story.

14- Accommodate the context

The speaker maintains a different bond with each person. With your best friend you will have the confidence to talk about everything and without filters, with the local baker the conversation will be more formal and monotonous and with a university professor the approach will usually be serious.

While with that friend you can be explicit and impolite in certain intimate contexts, with the baker or teacher you will never lose your ways, since it could generate discomfort and distrust. Everything has its moment.

15- smile

Very important. It is a very attractive element for any conversation and says a lot about the tone you want to give. Of course, avoid pretending if it does not come out, it will be noticed quickly and will generate concern in the receiver.

Effective norms of the good listener or receiver

1- Listen carefully to the person who is speaking

It is important to pay as much attention as possible when someone is speaking to us. Out of respect for the person who is taking the time to say something and in case we should give an answer to what they are telling us.

2- Be wise when listening

When listening to an argument, you must be judgmental, since not everything they tell us is true. So you must discern with respect to what is heard and the veracity of the message. In short, decode the message.

3- Do not interrupt the person who is speaking

Just as we like to be listened to with respect and not interrupted when we speak, we must act in the same way. Even if you do not agree with what a person says, you must remain silent and not interrupt. We all have the right to present our ideas.

4- Wait for the person who is speaking to present their idea in order to intervene

Asking permission and waiting for the other person to finish speaking to do so is very important.

Our speech will not have greater emphasis if we interrupt someone else's or speak at the same time. In fact, it creates the opposite effect and rather loses weight and what is said is not understood.

5- Give to understand that the message received was understood

Acknowledgment of receipt in a conversation is necessary. Because it gives the speaker the assurance that his message was understood. For us, as a listener, it is important to state that the message was understood and that we have no doubts about the subject.

6- Do not offend the person who is speaking

Respect is important as we already affirmed in a previous point. The person conveying the message can be offended in different ways, such as taking a teasing topic when speaking, not paying attention, or interacting with another person when the person is speaking. It is important to respect for effective communication.

7- Hear the message without prejudice

Many people say that objectivity does not exist and, at a certain point, it is a reality since we are subjective beings. We have beliefs that differentiate us from other people, but even so, when listening to a message it is important to leave our personal side and open up to listen to what is being said.

It is important to have discretion when listening to a message, but not to close ourselves off from what others may tell us.

8- Do not laugh or have a mocking attitude while the person is speaking

Mockery is a resource used to make the sender's message lose its importance, but it can also be understood as a certain insecurity on the part of the receiver not wanting to discuss the issue on the air. Therefore, and if you do not want to show insecurity, it is better to try not to mock or laugh, unless they are telling us something funny or a joke.

9- Maintain a listening posture

In communication, everything says something. And that includes our gestures, expressions and postures. If we are listening to someone speak, we should not adopt an awkward posture that denotes interest or boredom, since this person could feel uncomfortable.

Nor is it advisable to acquire closed postures, such as crossing your arms or lowering your gaze, because it can be understood as a gesture of disagreement, annoyance or disinterest. Our body talks all the time, even when we think we are completely passive receptors.

10- If whoever transmits the message is wrong, it should not be corrected publicly, but privately

Making mistakes is not easy, and even less in front of people. Usually this happens causes us a bit of shame, so it is important to have empathy and show tact with the individual who may have made a mistake. One way not to cause more harm is to correct the person in private and not in front of others.

It is necessary not to correct the person in an offensive way, where the person is pointed out as uneducated or unprepared and thus feels bad.

If an error is so serious that it needs to be corrected on the spot, do it in a modest way, with subtlety.

11- Do not force the speaker

Let the speaker express himself in his own way. Not everyone makes their speech in the same way as you, so be respectful and do not make your interlocutor understand that you do not like how it is expressed or what it counts.

It goes without saying that if the speaker has a diction problem such as stuttering, hoarse or ragged voice or other difficulties, do not force it and allow it to express itself within its capabilities.

12- Do not divert the topic

During an informal conversation a thousand different colloquia can arise. However, sometimes the speaker brings up an issue that may concern him or that he wants to express it, so it will require more attention from the listener. Do not divert the topic to another out of disinterest, as it will be a show of little empathy.

13- Do not impose your message on that of the speaker

There are people who when an anecdote arises they try to overcome it with another personal one. This is a way of detracting from what the speaker is saying, generating discomfort and creating a vision of yourself as a pedantic or egocentric person.

14- be patient

Sometimes you may be bored by the speaker's tone or the path his speech takes. Your interlocutor may not be to the point or they may need more words to express themselves, but showing anxiety or trying to synthesize their words can be seen as disrespectful.

15- Take notes

In certain contexts, such as school or university, as well as the first day of work, it is interesting to go with a notebook and pen. Not only will it help you to later remember the important points of the day, but it will create a climate of trust in the speaker, who will understand that you show interest in what is being talked about.

References

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4. Less Wrong. (2013, November 27). Wait vs Interrupt Culture. Retrieved from Less Wrong website.
5. McKay, K., & McKay, B. (2012, February 5). Look 'Em in the Eye: Part I - The Importance of Eye Contact. Retrieved from Art of Manlinessof-eye website.
6. McKee, M. (nd). Correcting Others: How, When, and When Not to Correct Someone. Retrieved from Manners Mentor website.
7. MTSTCIL. (sf). Manners. Retrieved from MTSTCIL website.
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