OPEN RELATIONSHIPS: WHAT THEY ARE AND HOW TO APPROACH THEM - GEOGRAFÍA - 2024

The open relationships are when two people are one that does not fit loving relationship with monogamy, as allowed by mutual agreement that one of the partners or both to maintain relationships with people outside the couple.

Such relationships consist of isolated intimate encounters, emotional or romantic ties, or both. They can be longer or shorter and develop at the same time as the first relationship.

There are innumerable types of open relationships or liberal couples, since each one will establish their own rules about what they can and cannot do. It is generally understood that these rules are agreed upon by the members of the couple.

Do open relationships work?

There are many who ask themselves: "Can an open relationship work?" And really, it is something that can work, but it is not an easy task. Having an open relationship requires more time, care and understanding than a closed or traditional relationship.

This happens because we are used, due to the society in which we live, to see love relationships from a perspective based on romantic love, the idea of ​​the better half, the idealization of the partner, and the belief of belonging and exclusivity.; as if they were synonymous with love.

But love can present itself in other ways not yet known to many: such as appreciating the other person understanding that he is a human being, imperfect like everyone else, that he will also have needs and desires for other people, without assuming that a rupture of the relationship.

It consists of loving the couple as they are, respecting their freedom always within rules that both have chosen and with which both are satisfied.

Polyamory

Polyamory refers to a non-monogamous, consensual, responsible and ethical relationship. It can be said that this concept is broader than that of open relationships and encompasses more ways of relating intimately between people. It is based more than anything on a philosophy that emphasizes sincerity and transparency, and the rejection of sexual and loving exclusivity as essential for a healthy relationship.

Relationships of this type try to break with the schemes, forget the preconceived ideas of love imposed by society that restrict and imprison the freedom of many, and demonstrate that love can go beyond monogamy.

If you already have an open relationship or have ever considered having a relationship of this type, then you can read what are the tricks that exist to make it work and maintain it over time.

How to raise an open relationship?

1- The base is the most important

To begin, it is necessary to emphasize that without a good relationship from the beginning it will be very difficult for an open relationship to work well. It is an essential requirement that there is union, well-being (at least most of the time), trust, security, good problem solving and dedication on the part of both.

However, as each couple is a different world; It is necessary to mention that here we speak in general terms, since perhaps a not so stable relationship can also carry out this type of practice without having any difficulty. It depends on the ideas and philosophy that each couple has and the degree of understanding and agreement they reach.

With all this we mean that it is not recommended to open a relationship with the aim of trying to “save” or improve it, but that it must be healthy and satisfactory from the beginning.

2- Spend time with your partner

Together with the above, it is essential to maintain an active relationship, in which continuous contact is maintained and details are taken care of. In other words, the relationship has to be nurtured, worked on every day to be satisfactory.

This is always important, but when a relationship is liberal it is more delicate since more feelings can be put into play and that is why it is necessary to do as much effort as possible. The best thing is to try to dedicate as much time as possible to the couple, make plans together, sometimes get out of the routine, talk, surprise her or give her something.

Try to think every day how you can make your partner happy: what if you make him breakfast? What if you catch him picking him up from work? It can even be as simple as leaving a special message or offering help when needed. Working on the bond and strengthening the relationship more and more will make you invincible in the face of any difficulties that may arise.

3- Write rules and respect them

Once you decide to get into an open relationship, the first thing to do is negotiate with your partner. You do not have to go quickly, it is better to dedicate the time that is necessary to dialogue before reaching other types of links with other colleagues.

It is essential to try to discover the advantages and possible disadvantages of this, and study each variant or detail. It is recommended that the two of them give their opinion, participate and express what they want and reach agreements in which both are comfortable.

To do this, it is best to write down the rules or limits that have been negotiated in great detail so as not to cause confusion. Include aspects about: who can and cannot participate, how often, what kind of encounters are allowed, in which situations it will take place, what information will be shared with the couple and which not, etc.

Obviously, it is useless to establish the rules if they are not going to be followed. As we emphasize, these relationships are more complicated than normal because we are not used to them; then any detail could break the trust that is so necessary for these relationships to function properly.

You have to try to comply with the rules strictly, and not cheat on your partner. It may be that, being with another partner, the limits are blurred and it is difficult to stop. But that is what makes a relationship strong, knowing how to handle these situations so that it continues to be healthy.

In any case, when there are doubts or needs have changed, it is better to consult with the couple. The rules should be flexible and subject to change, so that the members of the relationship always feel at ease.

4- Communication and sincerity

However, none of this is possible without good communication skills with the partner. This is something that is practiced on a day-to-day basis, trying to share thoughts, ideas, feelings… and most importantly: listening. Try to carry out active listening, which means paying full attention to what your partner says, their gestures, their tone of voice; and not focus so much on what you are going to answer.

Communicating involves expressing the inner world of each one and actively trying to attend and understand that of the other. This also means that sometimes it will be necessary to express ideas that are not so pleasant for the receiver or with which he does not agree. In this case, the best way is to try to be assertive in expressing your ideas. Below you can read more about assertive communication:

• Assertive Communication: 15 tips and techniques.
• 7 Tips to Be Assertive and Communicate Better.
• Assertiveness: 8 Techniques to Say What You Think.

However, do not forget to be honest. This type of relationship is based on transparency, trust and truth; and if those principles are violated, the relationship is meaningless.

Lies or concealments may persist for a time, but if discovered they can undermine the trust that existed; and if they are not discovered, the person who commits them can never feel at peace with himself.

5- Do not do anything you do not want

Keep in mind that an open relationship is established because it will make you happier and because you have chosen it, not because of obligation or pressure from one of the members of the couple or fear of loss.

If you find yourself in one of the above situations, you better not carry it out because it will most likely not work out. To have a liberal relationship, both components must desire that type of bond and be very convinced. On the other hand, once in an open relationship; It may also be that there are preferences.

It is normal that one wants to do things that cause the other to not feel well, or that finally one of the two members of the couple regrets something that they had already agreed to. Because first of all, it is the happiness and well-being of both; And that is the reason why you should have one type of relationship or another.

6- Put aside irrational jealousy

Jealousy is useless in these types of relationships. In fact, have you thought about where they come from? They come from the insecurities we have with ourselves, and from the idea of ​​exclusivity of the couple.

That is, our partner belongs to us and that it can only develop with us, in a limited space. So when another possible partner shows up, this seems to put himself in danger. On the other hand, open relationships start from the opposite idea: you love the person as she is, with her own individuality and freedom.

Since it is practically impossible for a person to provide their partner with everything they need: they will also want to spend time with family, friends, even some moments they need to be alone; and even other colleagues to have fun with.

It is difficult, but you have to be aware of the value that you have and be sure of the good things that you bring each day to your partner. In addition, it means a mutual, chosen agreement, in which other relationships are established by a joint decision.

You have to make an effort to think rationally so that negative thoughts that only cause pain and are useless do not appear.

It seems that, due to contact with other people, love may end or strong feelings may arise for other partners. However, in most open relationships that are well planned, communicate adequately and there is complicity and sincerity, having that kind of relationship brings more union than separation.

7- Be selective and careful when choosing partners

We cannot deny that feelings are a complex world and that we have to be cautious, especially when more people are involved. It is possible to have an ideal relationship with someone, but choosing the wrong partners can deteriorate.

So, it is essential that those who participate in the relationship are preferably people who share or, at least, understand the liberal lifestyle; that they are single or have the consent of their partner, and that they are discreet. This way of having a love relationship is not shared by many people and the best thing to avoid possible problems is that it is not announced to everyone.

Many of the open couples choose to meet other couples who are usually also stable, which is called a swinger or exchange. It is usually limited to sexual contact, and it is a good option for couples in which both prefer to have fun together.

8- Do not involve very close people

Together with the above, it is recommended that people with whom you have contact very frequently do not participate in your relationship. The reason is that, if you were good friends or colleagues before, things can go wrong.

It is usual that there is someone from the close environment with whom you feel attraction, but this can be dangerous in other environments where you are. For example, with a classmate or workmate or childhood friend.

As a general rule, it is more appropriate to separate those who are going to be our loving companions and those who are not part of that environment. Although we note that there can always be exceptions.

9- Be clear with other relationships

We have highlighted the importance of being honest and transparent with a relationship, however, it must be so in all those that are going to be established.

It is important that before a more intimate situation develops, anyone involved knows that there is a relationship, what type it is, what rules have been agreed upon and; that after knowing all that information you decide to go ahead or not.

Don't be afraid to be clear with other people as long as they show interest. It seems that it is difficult for there to be people who accept all the requirements and who also assume certain norms; but currently the mentality is changing, mainly among young people, and it is not as complicated as it seems to be.

It is better to be clear with others, as conflicts can arise or very possibly hurt the feelings of others for not being entirely sincere.

10- Not recommended for long distance relationships

If you have a long distance relationship, you may have considered starting a liberal relationship. However, it is not highly recommended, especially if there is not a good foundation, if the relationship is not fully established or if there are difficulties in communicating with you. Although as we have mentioned, each couple is a world and each one can work things that others do not.

We include this point because at a distance relationships in general become more complicated and by making them open the degree of difficulty becomes an expert level. Great trust and security is required so that problems do not arise, since it is difficult in moments of weakness for all that trust in the couple to be maintained.

It is likely that doubts will arise about whether the couple is respecting the proposed limits or not, and since communication cannot be exactly the same as in person, resolving the doubts and returning to tranquility becomes more difficult.

11- Be discreet

As we have said, not all people will share the same way of thinking about love relationships. The general rule is serious, stable and monogamous relationships; And a liberal relationship is something that a minority of people have.

In some cultures or societies this will be seen worse than in others, but generally through a global vision; It is well known that people who maintain open relationships can be rejected.

For this reason, it helps if details about the type of relationship you have are only shared with people who show interest, inspire trust, do not judge and have an open mind.

There are people who do not feel comfortable talking about such an intimate subject and it is better that it be part of the private life of the couple, knowing it only a small number of people that they choose.