NARCISSISTIC PERVERSE: BEHAVIOR AND HOW TO IDENTIFY THEM - ECONOMÍA - 2024

A perverse narcissist is a person who only thinks of his own good and feels powerful indirectly handling his victims. He apparently has no feelings or empathy, so he cannot love other people or maintain healthy relationships.

These individuals are unable to endure failures, so they manipulate the people around them to achieve all their goals in a selfish way. When their wishes are not fulfilled, they make their victims feel guilty and sad, even if they have nothing to do with it.

A perverse narcissist chooses victims with whom he maintains some family, professional or partner relationship; as you need this proximity to be influential. He is unable to exert any effect in public, so he always acts in private. He prevents these people from leaving him through various strategies in which he lies, pretends, seduces, and blames others for his own mistakes.

These types of people can do a lot of damage, since they are usually jealous, unfaithful, continually criticize, and feel strong belittling their victims. When they are sad or frustrated, they try to "spread" their discomfort to the victims.

Really what a narcissistic perverse hides is a negative view of himself and a low self-esteem that he tries to increase at the expense of others. Thus, to feel better, he submits, squeezes and degrades his victims.

But, you wonder why the victims allow themselves to be manipulated in this way? Quite simply, a perverse narcissist doesn't always make others feel bad. Rather, they are excellent actors early in the relationship: they are charming, seductive, and flattering.

Once they have conquered their victim, little by little they begin to handle her like a puppet. Then they will alternate humiliation and flattery so that the victim never walks away.

Causes of narcissistic perversion

Perverse narcissists have not developed as individuals. As children they have suffered some kind of dysfunction in their relationships with others, feeling that they are not valuable enough. They have a great emptiness and dissatisfaction that instead of facing them (which would be their cure), they appropriate the virtues of others.

Thus, they strongly desire other people who seem to have what they do not have or who are simply satisfied with their life. Once they conquer these people and achieve the objectives they want (such as accessing a social or intellectual group to which they want to belong), they begin to undermine their self-esteem little by little to sink them.

So, it is as if the qualities are taken from their victims, filling them with doubts and sadness, in an attempt to fill their void.

Behavior of a perverse narcissist

The perverse narcissist would be like a psychotic but without symptoms, who seeks his balance by unloading on others the pain that they do not allow themselves to experience and the internal contradictions that they refuse to accept. You feel valuable transferring pain to others.

The perverse narcissists do not harm conscientiously, but because they do not know how to relate in any other way. These individuals suffered some traumatic event in their childhood and it is their way of protecting their weak self-esteem.

This disorder is named for its two components, narcissism and perversion.

Narcissistic disorder encompasses a lack of empathy, an excessive need to be recognized and admired, envy of others, and an exaggeration of one's attributes.

While perversion has a connotation of cruelty and lack of moral judgment. These individuals satisfy their needs and wants at the expense of others. Use people as instruments to achieve your goals, ignoring their needs or feelings.

How do you feel if you have a perverse narcissite around?

Perhaps you have ever had a narcissistic perverse in your life and you have not even realized it. You may perceive that bond as complicated, toxic, and difficult to break. At his side you feel vulnerable, useless and low-spirited, but at the same time you have a hard time saying goodbye.

The signs that distinguish a narcissistic perverse are multiple and varied. It all begins when the narcissist meets the future victim and compares himself with it. He devalues ​​himself and envies the victim, and tries to make up for it with narcissism. At the same time, he will try to sink the victim so that he loses the virtues that characterize him.

If the victim submits, a bond of abuse will be created by the perverse in which the victim will endure all kinds of humiliations. On the other hand, if he reacts to the attacks, the perverse narcissist will pretend to be the victim and make the other feel guilty of the attack.

How to identify a perverse narcissist?

In this section you will be able to know the typical behaviors of these individuals and thus detect them before becoming one of their victims.

1- Appear to be friendly and charming

At first, or when he is little known, he is usually charming. Little by little he shows an air of superiority, talking about his qualities. At the same time, he will disqualify other people, ignore them and reject them as if they do not deserve his respect. They also tend to advertise that they are attractive and interesting to everyone (even if it is not true).

2- Use perverse seduction

Seduction is a fundamental strategy in perverse narcissists. However, they do not flirt in order to establish intimacy or because they are attracted to the other person. On the contrary, it tries to fascinate and dazzle the other, but without allowing itself to be conquered.

These individuals typically spend a lot of time talking about themselves and their accomplishments when flirting, but showing no real interest in the other person.

3- They are excellent actors

And they lack moral principles. For them to do the right thing is to selfishly satisfy their needs.

4- They lie continuously

They are mythomaniacs, that is, they have no problem resorting to elaborate lies as long as they are always right. They omit important data, magnify others, and shape reality by adapting it to their wishes. Lying is a means of ignoring what goes against your narcissistic interests.

Thus, even if there is evidence to the contrary, they will turn the situation around and come out on top in some way. This greatly confuses the victim and they may begin to believe that their abuser is right and he or she is wrong. In the end, you will be unable to tell the truth from the lie.

5- They are chameleonic

That is, they adapt their way of being and their tastes depending on who they want to amaze. Deep down, they themselves do not have a defined identity, but are empty.

6- It is dependent

A perverse narcissist has no power if he has no victims to squeeze out of. In reality, you are absolutely dependent on others. However, he tries to make the victim believe that it is the latter who suffers from the dependency, while he does not need it.

7- Paradoxical and ambiguous communication

They tend to use a contradictory, paradoxical and very ambiguous speech. They frequently use double meanings and innuendo, which puzzles the victim. Often they take certain things for granted or expect others to do so: "You should already know that…" When they have not even made their needs clear.

8- demand the impossible

When he is vulnerable or looking for someone to attend to him, he manages to be impossible to satisfy. He asks for so much attention that the victim is not able to please him (or asks for it at times when he cannot give it). Then the perverse takes the opportunity to make his victim understand how useless and incapable he is.

9- Play the role of victim

Trying to give the image of a victim, having a strong talent to cover their defects and blame others. They know how to reverse situations and they manage to always be right. It is useless to try to reason with them because they will always find a way to hurt you or be right.

10- They love disputes

They like controversy, “clashes”. They have fun creating arguments and fights mainly between the victim and other people.

Sometimes he tries to provoke his victim to act against him and thus be able to justify his subsequent humiliations and attacks.

11- They seek the destruction of their victim

They take great pleasure in seeing others suffer and doubt, especially if he has caused such suffering. They love to see that others submit to him, obey him and agree with him.

12- They have emotional problems

These people lack emotional depth and, therefore, lack of empathy. They do not know how to distinguish their own emotions, not to say that they are incapable of feeling true sadness, grief, desire or joy.

If they feel abandoned or disappointed, they appear to be depressed. However, deep down it is just anger, resentment and revenge.

13- They have a strong power of conviction

Since they are very intelligent and know how to play with the deepest emotions of others to get what they want. The victim may find herself doing things she never thought she would do or that go against her interests in order to please her abuser.

The preferred victims of perverse narcissists

The preferred victims of this type of people are those who have positive qualities that the stalker envies: energy, creativity, joy, extroversion… His goal is to tear down these virtues and transform him into a submissive and sad individual.

In addition, victims are usually friendly, generous, do their best, like to please others, and express their successes. It is not strange that they look for excuses and justify their aggressor, admitting criticism too easily.

However, anyone can be victims in moments of weakness or when they have strong emotional ties with the pervert. Thus, these people can be "blind" and not see reality, feeling increasingly depressed and useless.

How to deal with them?

Once the narcissistic perverse is identified, the main objective is that his attacks do not take effect. Above all, he will feel disarmed if he is unable to provoke conflict between his victim and other people.

As mentioned, a narcissistic perverse is not dangerous if others ignore him as he has no power without victims. Some tricks to face these people are:

Control emotions and always stay alert

Do not fall into their flattery or their traps to get your attention, be aware that your attention gives them power. Nor ever believe that you deserve their criticism, assume that it is just a strategy to create hook and destroy you.

Cut all kinds of ties

Stay away from them as much as possible, however complicated it may seem at first, it is the most beneficial. Try not to relapse into any of his attempts to contact you again, since if he does not see you firm you will feed his narcissistic desires.

One form of protection is to avoid announcing your successes in front of the perverse narcissist, as he will try to devalue them.

Throw few criticisms of these, only the precise and indispensable

In fact, it is best to avoid arguing with them at all costs, since they will bring out all their strategies and lies to always be right and hurt you.

Don't react to their provocations, ignore them

It is important to note that they have no effect on you. For the perverse narcissist, it is a satisfaction to see you doubt, since this would reinforce their strategies and they would continue to behave the same.

Rebuild links

They may pick up on an offender-victim relationship that you haven't seen clearly yet, or they may help clarify your feelings.

Legal

In extreme cases, turn to the legal sphere. If you feel that you are suffering serious damage, do not wait to seek protection in justice.

References

1. Bouchoux, JC (2016). The wicked narcissists. Harp publishers.
2. Hirigoyen, MF (1999). Moral harassment: psychological abuse in everyday life. Paidós: Barcelona.
3. Houdoy, ​​H. (nd). Le pervers narcissique. Le discours paradoxal. Retrieved on December 12, 2016, from Moral Harassment.
4. Narcissistic perverse - Definition and process. (December 2016). Obtained from CCM Health.
5. Racamier, PC (2014). On narcissistic perversion. The International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 95 (1), 119-132.
6. The narcissistic pervert: recognize and discard. (sf). Retrieved on December 12, 2016, from Pikifashion.