SHY CHILDREN: CAUSES, SYMPTOMS AND HOW TO HELP THEM - ECONOMÍA - 2025

The shy children are those who show a low interaction and overcontrol of his feelings and emotions. They tend to have a tendency to isolation, they can even react negatively to the approaches of other people, thus presenting social avoidance.

Helping shy children to be more sociable and open is important, as they may have problems in their social relationships and other aspects of their lives. In most cases, shyness can have a genetic origin, however, its appearance can also be influenced by factors of external origin that we can control, unlike those of genetic origin.

Since these children do not usually have any type of behavioral problems, they can go unnoticed both at home and at school. However, at times you can present feelings of anxiety, insecurity and fear.

On the other hand, at school the teachers perceive these children as calm and even often use them as an example of "good behavior" in class to their peers.

Why does shyness appear?

Shyness can usually appear between the ages of five and seven in two different ways. In the first place, it can appear in those children who have always been since they were very young.

The second refers to the fact that for whatever reasons, the child who previously exhibited "normalized" behavior begins to change it so that now he withdraws and shows shy behaviors.

It is estimated that between 20% and 48% of people have shy personalities since babies are born with a predisposition to shyness but the environment plays a decisive role in changing or strengthening this tendency.

Therefore, there is a hereditary component, but our way of being is largely a consequence of the type of stimuli that we receive from a young age.

Factors that influence shyness

Although shyness has a hereditary component, some factors also influence its development and permanence, such as:

• Not offering the child the affection he needs and the relevant security.
• Having an affective relationship with the child in an unstable way, that is, one day you are affectionate, another indifferent and even another, aggressive.
• The fact that adults are overprotective with the child can also influence shyness.
• Respond to their questions in a brusque and even humiliating way.
• Pressuring the child from the school environment or from school to exercise with others even if he resists or agrees submissively.
• Scold him frequently.

• How can I tell if my child is shy?

  Finally, we present some indicators to know if your child is shy since sometimes he can be confused with autism.

  • They avoid relationships with strangers. As we have noted above, this can be caused by overprotection.
  • They show nervousness, anxiety, blushing. When they are left alone and have to start making relationships with other people even if they are the same age.
  • They find it difficult to talk to others. From the above nervousness, they may find it difficult to talk to other people.
  • They do not ask your doubts. In class they never ask questions for fear that their classmates may reject them.
  • They go unnoticed. They try to go unnoticed by all means since being the center of attention causes them a lot of discomfort.
  • They have a hard time starting a conversation. Given their deep shyness, it is very difficult for them to start a conversation, that is why it is so important that the family be given the necessary tools of social and communication skills.

Tips to help shy children from home

Here are some tips to help work shyness in children successfully from home:

Practice social communication skills with him

Although it may seem that this is not important, on many occasions he does not know how to relate to others or start a conversation with his peers.

Therefore, a good idea would be to give them examples of how they could start it and even topics to talk about with their colleagues. A good example would be for you to talk to them about what you like to do in a calm way.

On the other hand, you can also rehearse these types of situations at home. A good idea would be to start by practicing simple conversation skills, such as asking him questions of himself and encouraging him to ask you as well.

Build their confidence

Another way that your child can overcome his shyness is through confidence. On many occasions they show themselves in this way because they do not believe in themselves. Therefore, it is important not to look down on him or call him shy in front of other people or children.

In addition, as parents we also have to help them discover talents and hobbies that make them feel special and are good at, this will allow them to feel good and increase their self-esteem.

Work social skills

If since they are little we are exposing them to different contexts and people, we can make them get used to new experiences and in this way they will practice social skills that will later help them to interact with their peers at school.

On the other hand, as we have mentioned previously, it would also be useful for him to practice extracurricular group activities or even if when we went to a store with him we allowed him to pay for the purchase, for example.

Express empathy

On many occasions, shy children can feel misunderstood by the world around them since what for their peers can be very normal (starting a conversation, getting closer to other classmates…) for them can be extremely complicated.

As parents we must have empathy for our child and try to understand these difficulties to support him without negative judgment and provide him with the tools he needs.

Offer feedback.

Whether your child is overly shy or not, it is important to always receive feedback on his behavior.

That is, to be praised or rewarded in their first steps of social interaction so that little by little they will gain self-confidence and promote their self-esteem (PTA de Padres, 2010).

Act by setting an example

As we already know, parents are the example for their children to follow, so if they replicate the behaviors and attitudes of shy people, the child will copy them and make them his own.

In this way, shy parents often have shy children. Therefore, they must allow their children to see them making friends, expressing themselves and living with others.

Don't label your child as shy

As parents you should try to avoid labeling the child as shy as this can influence the expectations that are had of him.

When you start to mark a person as shy or vague, this label is usually generalized to all those around them. This can negatively affect a child's self-esteem and how others treat him.

Provide love, affection and affection

We have to show our children that we love them so that they feel loved and protected. This is only achieved with deeds and words, in this way we make sure that our children feel loved no matter what they are.

Do not compare it with other children

We have to accept our son as he is, if he is excessively shy we cannot immediately force him not to be.

You have to be patient and work with him his shyness. If we compare him with other colleagues, we will only be distancing them from us and hurting his self-esteem.

Don't speak for him

Although we think that we may be helping him, this fact has the opposite effect on our son since it reinforces his shyness and also takes away opportunities to interact with other people.

Most children when given this opportunity speak louder and it is important that they learn to speak for themselves.

Don't teach him to be afraid of strangers

One mistake we usually make is teaching children to always be with us or with a teacher or someone they trust.

This can create fear for you, encouraging you to withdraw and not want to meet new people in your school environment or in your after-school activities.

Avoid overprotection

Another mistake we often make when our child is shy is overprotecting him. We must try to make it autonomous first in our home and then extend this behavior to all other environments in which it operates.

In addition, we also have to try to avoid repressing it too much since one thing you need is to gain self-confidence and confidence.

Create a good atmosphere at home

It is a good idea to create safe spaces for the child in which they can make friends, because when they gain confidence in that area, they can try in other different environments and in other places.

At first, if he has a hard time reaching out to other classmates to relate to them, you could invite a guy over the house who is easier for him to talk to.

What should we avoid doing with shy children?

On many occasions, even if we follow the advice we have given above, they usually do not improve the behavior and well-being of our child. Next, we expose those behaviors and attitudes that we must avoid:

• We have to try to avoid getting excessively angry with our shy child as this could cause him to fear new people or situations.
• It also does not help that on the occasions that we go out and cannot take care of him, we leave him in the hands of people he does not know.
• Forcing him to do activities that he does not feel like or is not ready for will not help him overcome his shyness, quite the opposite.
• Criticizing him taking as a reference behaviors of children his age, this will make him feel undervalued and will have a negative impact on his self-esteem, thus promoting his shyness.
• Nor can we let our child isolate himself from other peers or interact with other people. Therefore, it is important that we monitor their behavior and support them.

In summary

Shyness can have negative consequences on the social development of the minor that can also affect other aspects of their life such as academics. Therefore, it is important that we know how to detect it in order to work to reduce its shyness and increase its well-being.

As we have mentioned previously, sometimes parents are the ones who promote or develop shyness in our child, however if we are aware of our actions we can avoid it and focus more on following guidelines that have positive effects on all members of the family.

References

1. Greciano, I. (2001). Behavior alterations in the classroom. In European Congress: Learning to be, learning to live together. Santiago de Compostela.
2. Kristin Zolten, MA and Nicholas Long, Ph.D. (1997). The shyness. Art by Scott Snider.
3. Mota, AVC (2009). Childhood Shyness. Digital Magazine Innovation and Educational Experiences. Malaga.