EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IN CHILDREN: 17 TIPS TO DEVELOP IT - ECONOMÍA - 2025

Developing emotional intelligence in children is very important, as it is one of the skills that will help them most to develop personally, have healthy personal relationships and be successful in life.

When there are emotional imbalances, the behavior of children and adolescents is altered, it affects family, school and social coexistence and also their psychological well-being.

These imbalances appear when the child does not recognize his emotions properly, does not express them or does so in an inappropriate way or misinterprets the behaviors or emotions of others, for example. For all this, building adequate emotional intelligence in our children can help them to be emotionally healthier.

Tips to build emotional intelligence in children

Help him get to know himself better and name what he feels

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Self-knowledge or self-knowledge is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. Not because it is the most important, but because without it the others can hardly exist.

To develop an adequate emotional awareness, where the person is aware of their own internal states, of their emotions, of their resources, of the effects that emotions have on them, it is important to name them.

To be able to properly manage your emotions, you must first properly recognize them, and that is where the best knowledge of yourself lies.

If we say that emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize our own emotions and others, respecting them, it is necessary, first of all, to know our own.

Self-awareness is one of the basic pillars of intrapersonal intelligence, one of the intelligences proposed by Gardner in his theory of multiple intelligences.

To do this, name everything you feel. Every time a certain situation arises where your child is feeling an emotion, even if she expresses it in an inappropriate way, act.

Instead of trying to eliminate and minimize the negative emotion, start from it to name it and explain to your child what it feels and why. In this way you will be working on self-awareness.

Work on emotional literacy

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One of the most appropriate tips to build emotional intelligence in children is that you attend to emotional literacy.

Emotional literacy is getting children to have a large and fluent vocabulary about emotions is a basic issue throughout their development stage.

Knowing how to name the emotions we feel is the first step to recognize and accept them. Children often do not know what emotion they are feeling. They do not know how to identify the physical or emotional part of each emotion.

For example, if your son is sad because he wanted to put on a sweatshirt that is dirty and cannot put it on and he has burst into tears, work on that emotion with him.

For example, you can take the opportunity to tell him that he is sad, that is why he has tears, that you understand that he is sad because he likes that shirt a lot and would like to wear it.

Validate your emotions

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Although what your child feels at certain times may not seem important to you, it is important to him, so you should take it into account.

Taking the example above, validate your child's emotions. In that case, in which your child breaks down crying because he wants to put on a sweatshirt that is dirty, don't tell him "don't cry about that, it's silly, you have this shirt that is exactly the same as the other one."

It is important that you acknowledge his emotions, that you tell him that you understand his emotion, and that you help him find a solution. Many times, since we do not like children to suffer, we directly try to eliminate negative emotions (when they cry, when they are angry).

We distract them with other things (a toy, with the television, etc.). Anything goes so that they stop crying, for example. At other times, some people tell them that "crying is when they are little" or phrases like "that's silly."

It is important that you bear in mind that everything that your child thinks and feels you must take into account, respect and enforce. It is important for you to grow up with strong self-esteem and for you to feel that it is important.

Take care of your self-esteem

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Self-esteem is an essential aspect of the child's personality, which is developing throughout childhood. If a person accepts herself, she will be able to advance and mature and continue to fulfill herself personally.

The child and the adult who will be needs to have a positive self-esteem and a good concept of himself, which will allow him to overcome the obstacles he will encounter in life and solve conflicts.

Self-esteem is the appreciation of one's personal worth. And the child's self-esteem is formed from the experiences she also lives with her parents.

Showing her that she is important and learning to accept herself for who she is is a good way to develop positive self-esteem.

If the person feels and perceives that others accept him, love him and consider him important, he will feel competent, secure and with good self-esteem.

Help him discover his strengths and weaknesses

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Knowing your own strengths and weaknesses is also an essential aspect of self-awareness.

When you know what your strengths and weaknesses are, you feel more confident about yourself, your abilities and your abilities. You know how far you can go, what you can expect, and what you need to improve.

We must teach our son that we all have positive aspects and weaknesses and that this does not make us better or worse than others. We don't have to be good at everything and neither do our mistakes or our weaknesses define us as people.

Helping your child to detect his strengths and weaknesses will help him to recognize when he needs help, how he can cope with difficulties, when he can give the best of himself and you will be contributing to his personal development.

Work on self-control and adaptability

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Self-control is also one of the main characteristics of emotional intelligence. Self-control and self-motivation are part of the intrapersonal intelligence that Gardner already named.

Self-control is part of self-management, of knowing how to properly manage one's own emotions.

Having self-control does not mean that you should suppress or deny emotions or that your child does not express them. Proper management of emotions is learning that requires time and effort.

First of all, the child must recognize the emotions he has, and if he is not able to do so, he will hardly be able to manage it properly.

Self-control can be worked on, but not through repressing or denying emotions. They must be accepted, and although they come out in an appropriate way in our child (for example, in the form of tantrums), they should not be punished, but rather work on the underlying emotion from that behavior.

Having self-control means understanding the emotion and transforming the emotion to our benefit. It requires the person to be flexible, open to new approaches and adapt new perspectives in problem solving.

Work on motivation

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Self-motivation is another component of emotional intelligence, specifically intrapersonal intelligence that Gardner proposed.

Being self-motivated is emotionally empowering yourself to maintain goal-oriented behavior. It is about the child having the goal in mind and remembering the rewards it will achieve.

It is about working persistence in children, the fact of not being discouraged, of being applied, of achieving despite mistakes, etc.

Motivation will help your child to achieve the goals he sets in life. To do this, help them value effort, set realistic and specific goals, and prevent them from putting off the tasks they need to do.

Help him develop empathy

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Empathy is one of the components of interpersonal intelligence proposed in Gardner's Theory of Multiple Intelligences.

Empathy helps children to understand others, to put themselves in their place, to understand their moods and also their psychological or motivational states.

In order to recognize the emotional states of others, we need to be understanding, sensitive, have perceptual skills and the ability to adopt different roles.

Developing empathy is essential to be emotionally intelligent, since it is the point from which satisfactory social relationships with our peers start.

Communicate with him

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Communication skills in children also play an important role in their social competence, and therefore, in emotional intelligence.

Within communication we refer to basic non-verbal skills (for example, eye contact or gestures), to competence in conversations or language skills.

Communicating with your child is also important because it will help you connect and express feelings, to detect the emotions that paralyze them, that block them or that matter to them.

In order for the child to learn to properly manage their emotions, it is necessary that parents and educators have information to manage their emotional states and facilitate learning for children.

It is also important that you let him talk, and some tricks you can use to communicate properly with him is to use messages that reflect feelings.

Work on social skills

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Social skills are a fundamental component of emotional intelligence.

They are the set of behaviors that a subject emits within an interpersonal relationship where they are able to express their emotions, desires and opinions, taking others into account and solving immediate problems and preventing future problems.

Interaction with other people is essential in the development of the person and conditions their socialization process. Social skills can range from simple to complex behaviors: greeting, expressing opinions, making friends.

To do this, it offers an appropriate model of social skills, the child will learn by example when he sees in his parents expressions of courtesy, respect, solidarity towards other people.

Also, value the positive aspects and reinforce your child and provide him with occasions where he can relate to social situations.

Help him resolve conflicts

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Conflicts often take place due to poorly managed emotions. Teach your child that anger is a normal emotional and that it is okay to get angry.

What you must learn is to manage that anger. To do this, show her that even though everyone gets angry, the way we act afterwards determines the consequences.

Teach him to detect the signs that lead to anger and that can lead to conflict, as well as different ways of acting than he always does.

Show him how to manage anger and avoid problems that lead to conflict. Help him to avoid impulsive acts, to calm down with different techniques (breathing, relaxation).

Show him the importance of teamwork

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Teamwork is fundamental in the society in which we develop and is constantly present in the lives of children.

Learning to manage in a group, to deal with other people, to resolve conflicts, to communicate, etc., are necessary skills to work in a team.

When we work as a team, emotional intelligence is very present. And being emotionally intelligent can help your child function in groups more optimally.

You can work with your child on teamwork: the importance of establishing good communication between colleagues, the fact of working with different solutions, the importance of maintaining a commitment, of knowing how to resolve conflicts.

Knowing how to listen is also important

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Active listening is one of the pillars of emotional intelligence. Listening requires more effort than speaking. Knowing how to listen requires learning, and refers not only to listening to what the person has expressed but also to attending to the underlying feelings and thoughts.

Being able to listen actively also requires empathy.

Active listening is learned and beginning to develop it in childhood with children, will help them understand the importance it has to be able to properly relate to others.

Teach them the importance of respecting the turn to speak, not interrupting other people, focusing attention when someone is telling us something important, maintaining eye contact.

Work assertiveness

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Assertiveness is also part of emotional intelligence, being one of the basic pillars of it.

If you work on assertiveness, the child will be sure of himself, will express himself clearly and will be a person capable of expressing his desires, motivations and needs, taking others into account at the same time.

For this it is important that you respect your child and that you show him that his opinions are important, but that at the same time he must take others into account.

An assertive child will be able to express himself adequately, say no when he needs it, defend his rights and express his feelings, all according to his interests and objectives and respecting the rights of others.

Help him to trust himself

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To build adequate emotional intelligence, self-confidence is also necessary. We refer to the confidence that one shows about the assessment of what he does and his capacities and competences.

A child who trusts himself is a child who feels capable of reaching the goals he sets for himself, who is strong to face the obstacles that life offers him and therefore can develop optimally.

For a child to trust himself, you need to trust him. So have high expectations of him, but keep them realistic, otherwise he might get frustrated.

If you trust him, the child will also do it and will not give up, always looking for alternatives that help him achieve the goals he sets for himself.

Express affection and say how you feel

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Unconditional love is something that must be expressed and that must be shown on a day-to-day basis. Love should not be given in exchange for anything, and it should be expressed both in everyday examples and in words.

You must respect your child for being the way he is, tell him how much you love him and put words to how you feel.

In your relationship and yourself, in the things that happen to you every day, many and very varied emotions arise. Sometimes you are sad, other times happy, sometimes you get angry, put the focus on yourself and how you feel and express it to the child.

Telling them how we feel, what emotions are called, and why we feel that way also helps them develop their emotional intelligence.

Attend to your needs

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One of the main tasks of successful parents is to train them in emotional competencies so that they are responsible and emotionally healthy adults.

Parents should help their children to identify and label emotions, to respect their feelings, to help them deal with social situations.

The way in which parents attend to the needs of their children, show empathy for what they feel and need, regulate their emotions, express themselves with them or talk about emotions, for example, will help their children to exercise it in themselves.

Children also learn by imitation, and if they see certain attitudes in the example of their parents, they will eventually incorporate them into their own repertoire.

References

1. Castro Santander, A. Emotional literacy: the debt of teaching to live with others. Ibero-American Journal of Education.
2. Extremera, N. and Fernández-Berrocal, P. (2013). Emotional intelligence in adolescents. Parents and teachers.
3. Healthy Children (2012). How to help children cope with and resolve conflicts. Headlights. Sant Joan de Déu Hospital.
4. Mestre Navas, JM and Fernández Berrocal, P. (2014). Emotional intelligence manual. Pyramid.
5. Muñoz, C. (2007). Emotional intelligence: the secret to a happy family: a guide to learn to know, express and manage our feelings. Madrid's community.
6. Persian, L. (2016). Emotional intelligence Libsa.
7. Sánchez Núñez, MT (2007). Self-reported emotional intelligence and perceptual adjustment in the family. Its relationship with the family climate and mental health. Doctoral thesis of the University of Castilla-La Mancha.
8. Vallés Arándiga, A. (2009). The emotional intelligence of parents and children. Pyramid.