HOW TO GET OVER A DIVORCE AND BE HAPPY AGAIN: 8 PRACTICAL TIPS - ARTE - 2024

You can get over a divorce for infidelity or bad coexistence if you act in the right way and are patient, although it is a painful process. Currently, we can see how the new generations are changing the society in which we live.

After going through a divorce process, it is completely normal for you to feel lost, since your future projects have been suddenly altered. Breakups are never easy to deal with, especially after having lived with your previous partner for years and having shared so many moments together.

When there are children in common, the divorce is even more complicated. In fact, many couples put off the decision to divorce so as not to harm their children. Once the decision is made, both you and your former partner will have to face big changes in your life.

Finding a new home, dealing with new financial expenses, dealing with child custody conflicts… All of this often causes great stress, since it is usually accompanied by an emotional roller coaster. It may even happen that you do not find the support you need from your family and friends.

Therefore, in this period of your life, you should pay special attention to yourself, since otherwise you may develop mental illnesses such as depression or anxiety disorders.

10 Tips to get over a divorce and be happy again

1-Lean on friends and family

It is very important that you talk about your concerns and share your pain with those who offer their support, whether they are friends or family. This will help you overcome the feeling of emptiness that occurs after a romantic separation.

It is also important that you put aside the shame or shame of communicating your new marital status in your closest environment. There is no use hiding it for fear of criticism, since sooner or later, you will have to face it.

However, as we mentioned earlier, some people may openly blame you for what happened.

In the early stages, it is especially important that you avoid having contact with these people, since you are more vulnerable to criticism and it will have a very negative effect on your well-being.

Over time, everyone around you will get used to your new romantic situation, even older and traditional people who cannot conceive of a divorce process. Otherwise you can meet new people.

2. Find new friends

Surely your circle of friends has been reduced, since during your married stage you used to go out with other couples. From now on, it will be difficult to continue maintaining a relationship with some people - especially when it comes to mutual friends that you and your ex had.

For this reason, you should start considering meeting other people, make friends with people you already know or start moving through different circles.

It is much more difficult for adults to make new friends than for children or adolescents, since we do not live in environments as enriching as they are.

However, there are currently many methods that allow you to meet new people, such as:

• Start a new leisure activity. If you attend a new gym, language or painting classes, you will have the opportunity to connect with people who share the same interests, while filling your free time with something you like.
• Use the internet. In these times, most people have overcome the fear of meeting people online. Use this resource

  at your fingertips if you are having difficulty meeting new people.

• Go out with friends of friends. It is much easier to join a group when you already know a member previously. Also, you won't feel awkward if there is someone you already know.

These are just a few examples of ways you can meet new people, although there are many more.

3. Take time to get to know yourself

The previous section referred to the need to meet other people so that you can get to enjoy your free time and share hobbies. At no time is it about looking for a replacement for your previous partner immediately.

In fact, it is advisable that you wait a prudent time before starting a new romantic relationship.

If it's too late, because you've already met someone else, try not to rush into the new relationship - take your time before taking big steps, like moving in together or getting married.

This is because, after so much time sharing your life with another person, your personality may be diffuse - you are not clear about what you used to do because you liked it or to please the other person.

Therefore, it is time to get to know yourself, before meeting a new romantic partner.

To carry out this process of self-knowledge, you can start to differentiate between those leisure activities that you did because they interested you and those that you did for your partner.

The ultimate goal is for you to be aware of the hobbies that truly fill you, so that you continue doing them. Another activity that you can do is to write in a journal, so that you can put your feelings in order.

To do this, spend about 30 minutes a day writing everything you can think of about your relationship as husband and wife, the problems you used to have, the fundamental reasons for divorce, etc.

Do not censor your thoughts, since it is a journal that will only be read by you. Frequently add phrases that make you see how valuable you are, such as: “I am strong, this will not bring me down”, or “now I look more attractive than ever”.

This will increase your self-esteem –often damaged after a divorce process- and you will be able to use these motivational phrases when you need it most.

4. Avoid looking for culprits

A relationship is a matter of two, so you cannot completely blame one person. Many people spend a large part of their time analyzing who was at fault or who acted incorrectly.

However, this will not help you at all, nor will it be able to calm your pain at this time.

Even when the relationship ended because of an infidelity, your marriage was probably not going through its best moment.

Therefore, it is better that you focus on rebuilding your life, in ordering your feelings, rather than keep looking back, thinking about how you could have avoided the divorce.

5. Read a self-help book

Reading a self-help book can help you recover more quickly after a divorce, especially when you don't know who to turn to or feel misunderstood, this resource will be very useful.

6. Be nice to your ex in front of other people

After a divorce process, many people have a deep resentment or hatred towards their former partner. However, despite these negative feelings, you should try to be cordial to your family members and their loved ones, as well as to friends you had in common.

With regard to your children, if you have them, it will also be important that you show kindness to them. Children are especially vulnerable when they have experienced the separation or divorce of their parents, and this situation may interfere in their personal or academic life.

Therefore, if you want to help them to adapt to the new situation in the best possible way, try to be respectful to your ex partner. At all times you must try to maintain the forms and not get carried away by your differences.

This will also help you make the best decisions regarding your children, together.

7. Make sure that your children do not suffer more changes

As far as possible, you should prevent your children from experiencing new changes in their lives that could destabilize them even more. Try not to have to change residence, or schools or extracurricular activities.

As with adults, children need to rely on close friends, so it is not appropriate for them to have to make new friends.

Regarding the information that you must transmit to them, at no time should it be false - as to say that it is only a temporary separation. It is also very important that you let them know at all times that they were not the culprits of this situation.

Many times, the little ones claim responsibility for the parents' divorce, thinking that they have been the cause of the fights between their parents. Another big change that should be postponed, as far as possible, is to communicate to the children that the parents already have new romantic partners.

It is recommended that you wait a reasonable time, after which you can schedule sporadic encounters with new couples before sharing a house with him or her.

8. Seek professional help if you need it

If after a few months or years since your divorce and, despite the efforts made, you cannot turn the page, you should consider consulting a specialist to help you analyze the causes and propose new ways to solve it.

A psychological intervention can bring you many benefits and can prevent your problems from continuing or worsening.

References

1. Becerril Ruiz, D. The social perception of divorce in Spain. Spanish Journal of Sociological Research (Reis) No. 123, 2008, pp. 187-208
2. Garriga Alsina, A., Baizán, P., & Dronker, J. (2010). Consequences of parental divorce and family structure on children's outcomes in European societies: individual, cohort and country explanations.
3. Gómez-Díaz, JA Phenomenology of divorce (or the essence of separation) in women. Psicologia & Sociedade, 23 (2), 391-397 (2011).
4. Andrade Market, RP (2011). Thesis "Duel of the Children for Divorce". Mexican Association of Thanatology AC
5. Oberlin, LH (2011). Surviving separation and divorce: How to get through the first years of a new life successfully.