HOW TO OVERCOME EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCE: 11 IMPORTANT TIPS - GEOGRAFÍA - 2025

You suffer from emotional codependency when your happiness is supported by another person or partner, or if you are in a relationship that you need to feel good, although in reality it only harms your well-being. You may begin to see that this situation can be the cause of many problems and that it is something that you have to solve in your life.

Because of the importance it has, I will explain to you how to overcome emotional dependence and put aside the emotional need, develop your initiative and learn to lead a life in which you are happy with yourself.

Trust me, if you do it and take it as a royal treatment, you will start to live a much better, healthier and happier life. The idea is that you be happy with other people, but without needing them to feel good.

Types of emotional codependency and their characteristics

There may be two types of affective dependency, each with different antecedents and consequences:

• Instrumental dependent: is present when you seek help to achieve goals. For example, asking for money to buy a car. In this type, the sub-goal is money and the final goal is the car.
• Emotional (psychological) dependent: the end goal is the response of others, not the way you reach them. In the latter type there is a need for affection and an emotional-affective codependency that is satisfied by the affective responses of other people.

The two types occur in the dependent person. That is, if you are instrumental dependent, you will also be emotional.

Rather, I have explained this differentiation to you so that you better understand your behaviors and how to begin to resolve them.

Why are some people dependent on others?

When there is a breakup or separation of the dependent person from the other, a withdrawal syndrome occurs. This is characterized by anxiety, guilt, obsessive thoughts about the situation, or even depression.

If you are dependent, your problem is with yourself, not with someone or something external. Understanding this is very important so that you can overcome the problem. Your habits, customs and needs for affection is what has created this tendency to need someone.

The problem with emotional dependence is that needing others is believed to be human and healthy. However it is not healthy. In fact it is an insane love; in true love you don't need the other person to be happy.

A good comparison is with food. You need food, but don't eat 5 kilos of meat every day. The same goes for personal relationships: you need them, but don't drag yourself down or disrespect yourself for having them.

11 Keys to Overcoming Emotional Dependence

1-Change your limiting beliefs for more correct ones

If you are dependent, it is likely that you have a series of limiting beliefs to a greater or lesser extent.

The most frequent are:

• Perceive yourself as uncontrolled, ineffective, powerless and unable to achieve your goals
• Believe that you need a partner or person to have a valuable life
• Believe that you are not able to do without a relationship
• Believe that if you end the relationship it will be worse in life

There is a belief that it can be conscious or unconscious and that leads to bad decisions and possibly big mistakes in life. It is this:

"I need to be with a partner to be someone of value."

What happens then? Well, you may choose quickly and without thinking.

You may be lucky and someone of value falls into your life, although because you are not selective, it is likely that someone who does not suit you or who does not contribute anything will fall into your life.

These limiting beliefs reinforce the idea that you need to lean on others to guide you and be happy in life.

2-Find the ideal situation for your well-being

In my opinion, the ideal situation is for you to be independent and happy for yourself.

Once you get it, you can choose a suitable partner who really brings positive things to your life. Let's say that this couple would increase your quality of life with what they bring you.

And with this you can make another comparison:

I can be happy in my city, with what I have and how I am.

However, achieving goals that I set out to do, such as getting a better job, traveling, or improving myself will increase my quality of life.

Would a person who has a good job take a poorly paid job where they are exploited? Obviously not.

If you have a good life created by yourself without depending on anyone, you can choose the best relationships.

3-Establish relationships with the right people

Avoid relationships with toxic people and form relationships with people who:

• Respect you
• They value you
• Treat you well
• Bring something positive to your life

If the relationship with your partner, family member or friend only hurts you, it is advisable that you end it.

4-Build a life that has value

It is uncertain that you have to have a person by your side to have a valuable life. Your life depends on what you do, not on being with someone or not.

The problems in your life, such as not having a good job or a good relationship with your family, are not fixed by being with someone, you have to fix them yourself.

Build a valuable life that only depends on yourself, not something that can fall apart if a relationship ends.

The more resources there are in that life that you will build, the more difficult it will be for it to fall apart. Imagine a castle: the more blocks it has and the bigger they are, the more difficult it will be for it to fall.

Example of resources for a valuable life:

• Have your own friends
• Have healthy family relationships
• Have a good job
• Be financially independent
• Have your own hobbies.

5-Build your self-esteem

From now on, your value is going to be given to you by yourself, not by others. If you are alone, you will give yourself value and if you are with someone too.

And the same with everything else in your life; if you don't have a job you will value yourself, if you don't get something too…

To build your self-esteem, I recommend you read this article.

Some basic tips are:

• Avoid seeking approval
• Be aware of your "negative critical thinking"
• Do things that scare you
• Do sports
• Socialize

6-Face the affective need

By standing up I mean an attitude issue. When you feel the need to get closer to the person you were dependent on, fight not to be tempted.

I suggest you do it now.

I mean, don't fall for the "I'll do it next month" or "when I feel better." Cut the dependency now; in fact, I believe a lot in this type of change.

It is when people are on the brink that the real and strongest changes occur.

They have fallen so much that they cannot fall anymore and that is when they react.

I am aware that if you are dependent you can feel powerless, although remember the limiting beliefs that I mentioned earlier, because it is the key to change now.

Think that you do have the ability to achieve things for yourself, that you have value and that you can be happy for yourself.

Start believing that if you have that strength to get ahead on your own.

7-Do not obey the needs

If you fall into the temptation to become dependent again, for example by taking calls or starting unhealthy relationships, you will have obeyed the affective need.

People here often say "I can't" help it. However, they can. What happens is that it requires less effort to do than to avoid it.

If you want to overcome dependency, you have to be willing to feel that effort. Therefore, it is much more correct to say "I have not tried hard enough" or "I did not want to avoid it."

What's more, I'm going to show you that if you can avoid it:

What if the life of a close person depended on you falling into dependent behaviors? Would you do them?

Certainly not. You would certainly avoid things like accepting disrespect, having unhealthy relationships, or re-establishing relationships that have hurt you.

The main goal is that your mental well-being and happiness is constant.

That is, if the relationship is broken, do not get excessively discouraged, depressed, have anxiety or your life falls apart.

In this way, if you break a relationship, he will not try to fix it by looking for a new partner.

On the contrary, you will continue with the life that you have built, enjoying it for yourself.

8-Know the signs of emotional dependence

I have already told you that you will have to combat the need and for this you will have to know the specific signs of the need for affection.

If you are dependent, some of these signals and behaviors will sound like you:

• High sensitivity to rejections
• Exaggerated reactions after breakups or relationship problems
• You have to do everything together with someone
• Tendency to establish relationships with partners who are ill-influenced and do not agree, with the aim of not being alone
• Need to please others
• You apologize to your partner for recriminating things that he has done wrong (insulting you, being unfaithful…)
• Low self-esteem
• Be constantly attentive to the partner even if he / she treats you badly
• Have constant relationships even if the other does not attract anything

9-Reserve time for yourself

One of the characteristics of dependent people is that it is difficult for them to be alone.

However, this is bread for today and hunger for tomorrow, because inevitably you will be alone at certain times in your life.

Also, being constantly with someone is a fusion of a life. You have no life of your own.

To start building your life and overcome this need, set aside time for yourself: do activities, read, study, go for a walk…

Anything that is building your life and that makes you independent, without needing anyone to do it.

10-Change your perception of personal relationships

Almost unconsciously, many people tend to see people as contributors of resources and happiness.

What if you start to see your partner, family and friends as people who complement your happiness?

That is, you are happy, whether or not you have the other person, and being the other person you have one more complement to your happiness.

Besides that, as someone who you complement his life, not as if you were his whole life.

I believe that this approach will help you a lot and can change many behaviors and decisions.

11-travel alone

I personally recommend you to travel alone. You don't have to do it all the time, but it will do you good to do it sometime.

When you travel you just have to solve problems on your own, meet other people, be sociable, without the help of a partner, family or friends. Ultimately it helps you to be independent.

Just thinking about it may scare you, although you will get over it in time. From the first trip you will develop your leadership skills and when you travel with other people you will have much more initiative.

The importance of socialization

Socialization has had a major influence on your dependency needs.

Specifically, the socialization of the sexual role:

• Men are discouraged from expressing feelings, thoughts, and behaviors
• Women are encouraged to express their needs.

An investigation by Lytton and Rommey (1991) found that dependent behavior is encouraged more in girls than in boys, this pattern being consistent across cultures, subcultures, ethnic groups, and social classes.

This role is not only made up of parents, but also teachers, classmates and role models (from TV, cinema, sports) participate.

On the other hand, observational learning plays a fundamental role in the development of this type of behavior.

However, although men are discouraged from expressing their emotional needs, they do not go away.

Rather, they can be expressed indirectly or not expressed at all.

Symptoms and characteristics of an emotionally dependent relationship

Any relationship that is based on emotional dependence has a high probability of causing conflict and restricting each member of the couple.

Think, for example, of the relationship you have had with a boss: You need the job and your boss can fire you, so you are in a dependent relationship.

As you perceive that you are in a relationship with a high degree of risk, you tend to modify the behavior in the relationship. For example, if you perceive yourself as subordinate to your boss, you will rarely express criticism or what you really think.

You will worry about saying anything that is too critical or negative, that is, you want to be nice to your boss to decrease the chance that you will be fired.

The same occurs with dependent relationships with a partner or with other close people. It is believed that the other person is needed to live, therefore everything possible is done to maintain that relationship.

Your role in a relationship is not to make the other person feel good about themselves. Only he / she can do it. At most, you can provide positive attributes to the relationship such as loyalty, listening, support…

Arun Mansukhani, current deputy director of the Andalusian Institute of Sexology and Piscology explains that some of the symptoms that show that one is emotionally dependent are:

• Having a persistent pattern of conflictive interpersonal relationships, adopting positions of submission, dominance or avoidance (real or emotional) in its various forms. For example: the typical couples who get on badly or that one is very involved and the other nothing, etc. It can be considered that there is a pattern if the person has had at least 3 conflicting relationships of this type.
• Give up having meaningful interpersonal relationships through real or emotional distancing-isolation. Every day there are more people who, after a series of conflicting relationships, decide not to have a partner.
• Feeling that your needs are not being met in relationships with others. Feeling that these relationships do not reward you.

Conclusions

The most important thing is that you build your own life: that you are able to achieve your goals and happiness for yourself.

To do this, you will have to avoid your limiting beliefs and believe in your possibilities. Avoid falling into behaviors of need you will have to do it with effort.