HOW TO BE EMOTIONALLY STRONGER: 9 ESSENTIAL HABITS - ARTE - 2024

Being emotionally strong is a skill that can be learned through psychological resilience; the ability to overcome adverse events in your life and to thrive despite those circumstances.

It is a personality characteristic popularly known as "being emotionally or psychologically strong." Examples of adverse circumstances can be deaths of relatives when you are still a child, psychological trauma, war, poverty, etc.

Learning to be emotionally strong will allow you to overcome obstacles and negative events in your life, and continue to persevere to achieve your goals. It is certain that you are going to have stressful events in your life, but if you are resilient or emotionally strong, you will have the ability to control them and recover sooner.

Some of this ability may be due to genes, while another part is due to coping strategies that are learned. And therefore, you can learn them too.

Why is it important to be strong or resilient?

The ability to cope with negative emotions and situations is a predictor of success and happiness.

Investigate anyone you consider successful or happy and in 95% of the cases they will have gone through complicated situations or major failures. Resilient people are capable of turning an obstacle into growth and opportunities.

In fact, that's a fundamental coping strategy they use: They view obstacles, failures, or negative events as opportunities to grow.

I give you the example of Marta and Paula:

-Marta (28 years old) lost her parents at 10 years old, suffered bullying in her childhood and does not like her job. She constantly thinks about the past and the bad luck she has had in her life.

-Paula (28 years old) lost her parents, suffered bullying in her childhood and although she does not like her job, she is learning and trying to find something better. She believes that her past has helped her to be stronger psychologically.

Traits of an emotionally strong person

Before starting with the habits that you can follow to be emotionally strong I would like to ask you a question:

If two entrepreneurs spend 5 years of their lives working to build a company and both fail, which one is stronger psychologically? The person who feels like a failure and cries depressed for a week or the person who feels depressed and holds back her emotions?

Not really; it was a "trick question" and you didn't have enough information to give an answer:

You can feel sad for a week, "catch up" and go back to working on your new goals. You may also control the moment better but then abandon what you wanted to achieve.

In a comparison like this, the one who cries has a stronger mental fortitude than the one who does not cry but gives up over time. Sadness, tears, or frustration are temporary signs of disgust, but not of being defeated.

What really matters is if you believe in your possibilities, in your abilities, if you value yourself and if the negative or your failures have made you grow personally.

Therefore, forget about the typical image shown in the cinema of the "strong man" who does not cry in the face of adversity. You can see these also in everyday life.

When you see someone who appears to be strong, ask yourself if they really are; what circumstances has happened, if they have learned from them, if they made them grow, if I do not abandon…

10 habits to be resilient or emotionally strong

1-See difficulties as opportunities

Did you know that in 1914 Thomas Edison's laboratory burned down and with it the work of many years?

Without a doubt, you could describe it as something catastrophic and from which nothing positive can be drawn.

However, Edison chose to see it as an opportunity, that is, he chose to see it in a positive light. He said, “Thank God all our mistakes were burned. Now we can start fresh again.

Perhaps your house is not burned down, but surely some similar misfortune has happened to you. Or it could happen to you.

In that case, surely you can see the opportunity, as Edison saw it, and look for a way to benefit from it.

The idea is that things that happen to you that you cannot control may be your greatest opportunities.

It is actually something very similar to what I saw in a colleague from the University. When we turned in our work, I thought that the ideal was to do my best, fail, learn and do it again.

But she had a different mindset. It said something like this: “I want to deliver the perfect job. I don't like having it wrong and having to correct it ».

Do you really think there is any chance that things will turn out right or perfect the first time?

If you want to be strong psychologically, you will have to recognize that your plans could fall apart at any moment and not waste your energy cursing fate or bad luck.

If you fail, learn from the failure, accept it as normal, and move on.

I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can not accept not trying it. -Michael Jordan.

3-Adapt to change

In today's world change is normal; work, technology, housing, circumstances and even partner or friends. In fact, being resilient is related to flexibility. Imagine a spring that can be stretched and compressed.

This is how resilient people are; they are able to adapt to change, learn and be happy with changing situations.

Although they may have a hard time for a while, they adapt to situations and end up being emotionally stable.

Your life does not improve by chance, it improves by change.-Jim Rohn.

4-Look for your emotional stability

In my opinion happiness is not being excited or laughing all the time. That would rather be a manic state. I think Buddhists have the same opinion.

Being emotionally strong is not about being always happy, but about maintaining a stable level of mood. That is, to be at peace, relaxed or in harmony.

Emotional stability and the ability to keep your mind cool is an important skill in dealing with difficult situations. It is usually a trait that increases with age and happiness often increases with it.

On the other hand, there is the excessive preoccupation with happiness, which can actually lead to an unhealthy attitude and more negative emotions.

Strong people do not avoid negative emotions (they do not seek them either), but when they arise they accept them. They accept both positive and negative emotions.

The cultural obsession to always be positive is counterproductive and not very human.

Sadness, disappointments, frustrations and failures are things that are also part of your story - like happy moments and successes - and that have helped shape you as you are today.

The key, therefore, is to learn from the negative and overcome it to advance to new stages; use negative emotions and events to move forward, not to get stuck.

5-Work your physical form

Working on your fitness can help you feel better physically and mentally, as well as being more resilient.

Part of being resilient is feeling that you have control - or part of control - over a situation and that you can resolve it despite the challenges ahead.

If you are not physically fit, it may feel like you are not in control of your body. In fact, people who are physically fit are more resilient at work.

According to Dr. Ben Michaelis of New York City:

“It may sound counterintuitive, but you can be mentally stronger by being physically stronger, through cardiovascular exercise. The data indicate the relationship between physical and emotional health. This is why I often suggest that people who want to build their emotional resilience start by building their endurance by running, swimming or cycling.

6-Focus on solutions

Don't you think that focusing on problems is the opposite of being resilient? How are you going to overcome an obstacle if you think about the problem instead of the solution?

Imagine you have a fence to jump. You focus on the big problem you have, that it is too high or that you can hurt yourself by jumping it.

However, you could also have spent your mental energy thinking about a solution, such as finding a ladder, asking someone for help, or how to cut it down.

This happens often and you can observe it in any conversation, in the news and in the world in general; people tend to focus more on problems than solutions.

If when a problem arises, you look for the solution directly, you will save time and make it a habit.

If the problem cannot be solved, it is best to accept it and allow a reasonable time to pass until you overcome it.

7-Live the present

Psychologist Angela Lee Duckworth found that perseverance was the quality that counted most for academic success. More than any other quality like emotional intelligence, physical attractiveness, physical health, or IQ.

He also studied teachers and workers in different professional settings to determine what determined success.

According to Duckworth:

“In those different contexts, one factor emerged as the secret to success and it was not social intelligence, good looks, physical health or IQ. It was perseverance. «

To be persistent in your goals, I recommend this: always have a plan A, B and C. And if you don't have them, create them.

If you want to achieve whatever, you will find a way to do it, otherwise you will look for excuses.

Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles disappear. -John Quincy Adams.

9-Look at the positive-realistic point of view

Resilient people get up quickly after falling.

They may feel sad, upset, or hopeless momentarily, although they rise again to face their obstacles.

To be emotionally strong, one must have positive-optimistic hope and pessimistic clarity. This allows you to: 1) see the possibilities, 2) be motivated, 3) be critical and 4) accept that failures or negative events may come.

10-Learn to quit

To be mentally strong is to be aware that in certain circumstances you will give your all and you will not be able to do anything else.

It is important to recognize that you can only control your own actions, not the results of those actions, the actions of other people, or even chance.

Accepting this fact will allow you to overcome events that are beyond your actions. You will focus on what you can do and control and accept what you cannot control.

Sometimes the least solution to a problem is to accept that you cannot control it and move on, avoiding running into the same obstacle over and over again.

Examples: knowing how to abandon destructive relationships, projects that are doomed to failure, rectify bad decisions…

And what do you do to be emotionally strong and resilient? I am interested in your opinion. Thank you!